II Chronicles 7:14

If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Temporary Insomnia

How are there still more tears? After a whole day of wet cheeks, I don't see how I still have tears left in me. Yesterday when the whole incident happened with Sadie I was pretty 'removed' from the situation emotionally. I was dealing with it all business-like and I was prepared for this possible outcome--or so I thought. When I woke up this morning, it was a whole other story. I practically woke up with tears in my eyes. While making Matt's breakfast at 6:30 this morning I got on the rollercoster of emotions and I've been riding it all day long. Now it's nearly midnight and I've been laying in bed for almost 2 hours trying to go to sleep and I can't. I want off this ride.
I honestly think that I am grieving for my grandma as well as for Sadie--in addition to all the other sad news coming in from seemingly every corner of the world. The only news I've heard lately is sad/bad news. It's really making me furious with the devil. Just who does he think he is? Doesn't he know he's fighting a losing battle? He can't take us. Even if he takes our bodies from this earth, he can never steal our salvation. That was bought with the precious blood of Jesus and it is stronger than any arrow the devil may try to send our way! Thank God that I have that assurance. I don't know how people manage without it.
Anyway, I've been wanting to tell you guys about something---something on a much more positive note!
Tomorrow my mom and I will pack our bags and head to a ranch 90 miles away for the women's retreat with our church. This isn't something we would normally do (we don't know any of the other people going), but we both recognized the need to get away from here and spend some quality time 1.) with one another and 2.) with our Father. and 3.) getting refreshed and renewed. Though I'm already stressing about leaving the kids for 2 1/2 days--wondering who is going to bathe them and make sure they eat and wear the right clothes to school and remember their backpacks, etc....---I know that in the end, it will all be okay and I'll be back before they even have a chance to start missing me. I just hope I can find a way to clear my mind and not dwell (cry about) the events of the past month the whole time. I have become unbelievably emotional in the recent months. I think it is some form of PMS....but since I've never really had it before...I'm not sure. I just know that for a good week to 2 weeks every month, I get very weepy and insecure and irritable. It sucks. and yet somehow---it seems more real. Like I'm finally for once not putting up my "I can handle anything" facade. ??? Does that make any sense?
Anyway, I'm sorry if you're still reading this. I know I am just rambling on and on...but hey, I can't sleep, its too late to call anyone and I'm sick of watching tv.
Okay, well, I really can't think of much else to say...so I guess I'll end this post and go browse other blogs. Love you guys! Thanks for always reading about my drama and loving me through it all!


Kate said...

I think that's a great idea for you and Mom to get away for a few days. Don't be afraid to let the tears fall. It's holding them back that can really do us harm. There certainly is a cloud over the week, isn't there? I'm pretty sure that yesterday was the last time I will have seen my grandpa alive - he was very teary-eyed at my mom and me and was just telling us how much he loves us before we left for the night. I'm pretty sure that when he does pass - it will be when no one is around; that's his will.

I hope you take the next few days to really feel those emotions you are experienceing and to draw closer to God. The rest can wait - the backpacks, the lunches, the house, etc. It'll all still be there when you get back.

smiling's my favorite said...

You won't know anyone? You know me... and Tori! It will be just what you need. See yoyu tomorrow...:)

KC said...

This retreat sounds like just what you and your Mom need, to rejuvenate and find rest and peace through God. Have fun!

Tammy said...

I'm so, so, sorry to hear about Sadie. Poor, sweet girl. I hope everyone is coping a little better today.

And I agree, the retreat sounds like just the right thing for you and your mom. You've had a lot come your way so I hope you find some peace.

We do those retreats through my church too and they can do WONDERS for your mind, body and spirit.

Jed & Carrie Sowell said...

I'm so sorry to hear about Sadie! I'm just now catching up on blogs!! Hang in there!

Arissa Mae said...

I'm sorry for your loss. You're in my thoughts!

Kuckie said...

Jen, I hope a little time away will help you feel a bit better...you've dealt with so much lately. I'm so sorry about sweet Sadie...that is so difficult, and not only for the kiddos!

also, I lost your email address...can you send it to me so I can send you the venison recipe?