Friday, January 30, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
I don't give a crap what kind of cleaner he's selling---Orange Clean, Oxi Clean, Orange Glo...whatever---it does NOT give him a right to YELL at us!
Geeezz....don't those companies know that I turn the channel the minute their stupid commercial comes on and wouldn't want to buy the product JUST because of how much I HATE their commercials?!
Do they really think that by turning up the volume 5 notches on their commercial that it's going to impact me more???
Jose Cuervo, that is!
Yesterday was one of those days. Those "drive you to drinkin'" kind of days. I actually had to drive past the liquor store to get to the video store and came awfully close to making a quick stop for Mr. Jose. (which I've NEVER done in my life--shopped at a liquor store).
I'll spare you the details but it was basically like "the lights are on but nobody's home." I seriously think I went coo-coo yesterday. My low point was when I hurled a toy onto the floor as HARD as I could (one of Grant's airplanes that KEEPS breaking). I felt like such a loser though when he started screaming and crying because he thought I'd broken it for good. (which I didn't).
Thankfully, God doesn't give up on us, even when we're in coo-coo-ville. I opened up my Bible at lunch to where I had stuck the bulliton from church Sunday and low and behold...what scripture jumped off the page at me?
Psalm 42 (the whole chapter--but specifically) verse 11: "Why so downcast, oh my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God."
So today I woke up and had a bit of a revelation. It's not my circumstances that are making me "so downcast"-- it's my perspective. It's how I'm letting my circumstances affect me that is putting me in the dumps. I've been a stay-at-home mom with a transcription job trying to clean house, cook and exercise for the past eight years--so nothing huge has changed. The reason I have a horrible day one day and a great day the next lies within the attitude with which I approach each day.
Friday, January 16, 2009
So, the kids are sleeping over at grandma and grandpas tonight. We finally have the house to ourselves. We can do whatever we want. No interruptions, no distractions, no little eyes peering into the darkness that envelops our bedroom saying "what're y'all doin'?"
And yet....there is TOO MUCH PRESSURE.
The "mood" is no where to be found.
I'm here on the computer. Matt's in the other room in his recliner. We've already had the dreaded awkward talk where we both admit that neither of us really feels like it and that we're both pretty tired.
But I can't just let it go. It's been a loooooooooooooooong time since we've had a night without the kids. I can't even remember the last time. AND...in order to get her to agree to keepng both kids all night, I actually had to admit to my mom that we "NEEDED" this time alone. Gaahhhh!! How embarassing!
It's just so dang frustrating. If I just turn off my laptop, roll over and go to sleep like my body is longing to do...I'll feel like I totally wasted our one and only night. But if I go against what I feel and make a move...then I'll feel like I'm doing it just because I feel like I HAVE to. Grrrr... This is SO not how they make it look in the movies. Aren't we supposed to be tearing each others clothes off and falling onto the bed in a fit of passion--nearly sucking the lips off each other?
Man, where have THOSE days gone?
Probably packed away with my yearbooks and mini skirts and curling irons. :0)
Okay...one thing I know for certain, I don't want to spend my night on the computer. Sex or sleep--either way the computer has to be put away! Goodnight y'all!
Thursday, January 15, 2009
I just have to say, publically, right here and right now for the whole world to see and all of Heaven and Earth (and Hell) to hear:
Ha Ha Devil!
You will NOT steal my joy! Keep up the good work though---I can see you're working double time to get me discouraged---but I have a news flash for you: I am a child of the MOST HIGH! My Father owns the cattle on a thousand hills. He cares for the birds of the air and the lilly of the valley---HOW much MORE does He care for ME!!?
Ps. Just so you know, Mr. Devil, it is actually very encouraging that you are coming after me so hard. I must be making you really nervous. You know God's got some big plans for me and it's just driving you crazy! he he he he....good...keep on shakin' in your boots cuz you will NOT win!
I HATE the control it has over our lives. It determines where we go, what we do, what we have, where we live, who we meet, etc. Yes, I realize that ultimately it is up to us how much money we have (to some degree) like whether or not we decided to get a college degree or take that better paying job or make those investments or even if we choose to use what money we do have wisely. BUT...what about those people who are doing their best and still not getting anywhere? How many millions of people HAVE college degrees and are still without work or good paying jobs? I know a family, very closely, who despite both of them having a degree and being good, Christian people cannot for the life of them, make ends meet. It's been this way for years. Yes, they do have their better times...but right now is one of their worser times and it just drives me NUTS that they're doing all they know to do...and still they can't get ahead. They don't live extravagantly and they pass up on things all time time because they can't afford it. I'm sure I don't know EVERY detail of their lives and there is no doubt they have made some unwise financial decisions, many in fact, in their lifetime..but at what point do you stop paying for the past and start making some headway for the future?
I'm on this tantrum this morning because I discovered that we are overdrawn in our checking account today. I've only been overdrawn twice in my entire life and one of those times was when I was about 15-young and careless. The other time was a mistake by the electric company who double charged us. This time...it was purely my mistake. I failed to remember a couple of automatic payments that come out of our account at this time of the month, so when they hit last night...it put us in the red. Now, I know that is not a huge deal...people go overdraw all the time. But not me. For me, it is a HUGE deal. Sure, I will go by the bank this morning and deposit some money and get it all straightened out--but it just goes to show how preoccupied, careless and spendy I've been lately. No one likes to admit their faults, right? On top of that, I have this cloud of gloom hanging over my head. I feel like the word "overdrawn" is written on my forehead in bright red and my face is portraying this picture of extreme guilt no matter how hard I try to fake an "I'm happy" look. What really bums me out is...that I let us get this tight. When does enough (stuff) ever become enough? I mean, do I REALLY need another this or that? Do the kids REALLY need any more toys or clothes? Maybe we don't have a Wii like everyone else we know...but is buying one worth putting us in an even tighter strain? I mean, if you buy the Wii, it's an inevitable spending frenzy, isn't it? First you buy the game player...then you want an extra controller, then the Wii fit board, then more games...and it never ends.
I want OUT of this cycle. I want to be holding the reins on my life and my money--not my money dictating to me what I do/where I go/how I live.
I am seriously considering talking to Matt about making a pact between us that we don't buy one more THING or go on one more TRIP for this entire year until we are out of debt (excluding the house). I think, if we could commit to that--one year of sacrifice (if you can really call it that--we're SO blessed already!) . One year without additional luxuries-but just learning to enjoy and appreciate the ones we already have-that we could actually see the light at the end of the debt tunnel come next January.
Yes...that sounds like a plan! I think I'll schedule that meeting a.s.a.p.
oh great...guess that means anything extravagant on V-day is out. That's okay, I'll be HAPPY to NOT be seeing red anymore! (in the checking account, that is!) :o)
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Honey if you read this, I just want you to know that I don't actually HAVE any plans for Valentines Day yet...so if you want to take the reins...they're all yours! Just let me know you're planning something so I don't. Otherwise I'll proceed.
Now in reality---he'll probably never read this, probably doesn't even know for sure what day Valentines Day is and probably wishes I would quit making such a big deal out of it!
He is not the kind of guy who appreciates big to-do's. A nice simple night at home is more his speed. Why God made us so different in this aspect and put us together, I'll never know. We are completely 100% opposite on the issue of celebrations. Oh well....
So, Valentines Day is exactly one month from today. Have you begun your planning?
I know I'm one of the rare few (in my circle anyway) who think Valentines Day is a big deal. I start thinking about it almost immediatly following Christmas. We've talked about this on here before...but as it is quickly approaching again, my mind has already begun to start spinning out a plan for love and romance for me and my sweetheart.
Speaking of big, fancy plans....why am I always like that? Every year I scheme up some fantastic Valentines Day in my head...and every year I'm disappointed. Like this year for instance...Matt will have been at work all day. He'll come home tired, no doubt. He won't be in the mood for rushing home, getting showered and dressed and running off somewhere (because he never is) so I don't know how I'm going to make a big to-do by us all just staying at home. Guess I'll have to get really creative....
Or...maybe I should just shut down the planning department right now and just do the simple little card and candy thing like the rest of America and act like it's not a big deal to show the person who you're madly, deeply in love with that you still have the hots for them. It only comes ONE time a year...but that doesn't seem to matter to most people. Of course I love him EVERY day and I look for ways to show him all the time...but this is different. This is one day set aside from the other 364 to say--"Look baby..you are my knight in shining armor--my prince charming--the man I want to spend every day and every night with until the moment my heart stops beating." Most days I just say "I love you" but this day, I like to elaborate just a little more! :o)
So...is there anyone else out there who is with me on this? Or am I the only goofball who thinks like this?
***Update***Woops! I looked over at my calander and saw the 14th was on a Wednesday...but DUH! I was looking at January not February! Thanks to my friend Jodi for pointing that out! So...I guess my big fancy-schmancy plans can continue after all. Woohoo! and no, Amos, he won't be working all day--since it's a Saturday and NOT a Wednesday! Hooray! :o)
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
After the nails, we walked over to the pizzeria. Much to our delight and surprise, the owner offered for all the girls to come in back and make their own pizza!!
Sunday, January 11, 2009
I was holding my newborn baby girl in my arms-wishing for some sleep after not having any for about 48 hours-falling quickly in love with this little bundle of joy we named Brooklyn Kate! Happy 8th birthday my growing-up-way-too-fast girl! We love you!
(lots of pictures and party details to come!-but first I need some zzzzz's! :)
Thursday, January 08, 2009
Monday, January 05, 2009
Wow! What an awesome group of friends I have! Thank you to each one of you who left a thoughtful comment on my last post and who e-mailed me asking how I am.
I'm okay. We just had a rough few days and some un-lucky things have happened to us--financial stuff. I've been pretty down-hearted and just not feeling myself. Also, having all this extra time at home with the kids has made me realize how many ways I need to change--concerning discipline.
Anyway, you guys have really "made my day" with all your thoughtfulness! I knew you were there--but sometimes it's wonderful to be reminded of all the support I have! Thank you!
We're still "going through" these issues and believing God to work miracles in these situations, so please believe with me. I will share one thing---one of the big ones that has really had me feeling depressed. I lost my wedding ring. Don't know if it was stolen, lost or just fell off my finger. I just know I got ready to put it on one day with all the rest of my jewlery and it was gone. That may seem like not-that-big-of-a-deal to some people...but I am the kind of person who gets really emotionally attached to certain THINGS and now that I've lost it...I realize how attached I had become to it. Even though Matt has told me "we'll get another one"...I don't want another one. I want THAT one. Plus, financially, we can't afford another one. I know that God knows where it is and I am believing it will turn up somewhere-somehow.
Anyway, I hated to leave you all "hanging"--wondering what had happened to me. It seems like all this icky stuff has hit all at once and has made me really extra-stressed out. But life will go on and with God's help, we will make progress and get this stuff resolved.
Love you all! You're the best friends EVER!
Saturday, January 03, 2009
I hated to leave my "pity party" post at the top of my blog so I am writing a short note to let you all know that I'll be out for a bit. I want to explain...and at the same time...I don't. Some of you would understand...others of you would judge. Not interested in taking that chance...
Sorry--I know I sound jaded. This too shall pass.