I Hate Money!

I HATE the control it has over our lives. It determines where we go, what we do, what we have, where we live, who we meet, etc. Yes, I realize that ultimately it is up to us how much money we have (to some degree) like whether or not we decided to get a college degree or take that better paying job or make those investments or even if we choose to use what money we do have wisely. BUT...what about those people who are doing their best and still not getting anywhere? How many millions of people HAVE college degrees and are still without work or good paying jobs? I know a family, very closely, who despite both of them having a degree and being good, Christian people cannot for the life of them, make ends meet. It's been this way for years. Yes, they do have their better times...but right now is one of their worser times and it just drives me NUTS that they're doing all they know to do...and still they can't get ahead. They don't live extravagantly and they pass up on things all time time because they can't afford it. I'm sure I don't know EVERY detail of their lives and there is no doubt they have made some unwise financial decisions, many in fact, in their lifetime..but at what point do you stop paying for the past and start making some headway for the future?
I'm on this tantrum this morning because I discovered that we are overdrawn in our checking account today. I've only been overdrawn twice in my entire life and one of those times was when I was about 15-young and careless. The other time was a mistake by the electric company who double charged us. This time...it was purely my mistake. I failed to remember a couple of automatic payments that come out of our account at this time of the month, so when they hit last night...it put us in the red. Now, I know that is not a huge deal...people go overdraw all the time. But not me. For me, it is a HUGE deal. Sure, I will go by the bank this morning and deposit some money and get it all straightened out--but it just goes to show how preoccupied, careless and spendy I've been lately. No one likes to admit their faults, right? On top of that, I have this cloud of gloom hanging over my head. I feel like the word "overdrawn" is written on my forehead in bright red and my face is portraying this picture of extreme guilt no matter how hard I try to fake an "I'm happy" look. What really bums me out is...that I let us get this tight. When does enough (stuff) ever become enough? I mean, do I REALLY need another this or that? Do the kids REALLY need any more toys or clothes? Maybe we don't have a Wii like everyone else we know...but is buying one worth putting us in an even tighter strain? I mean, if you buy the Wii, it's an inevitable spending frenzy, isn't it? First you buy the game player...then you want an extra controller, then the Wii fit board, then more games...and it never ends.
I want OUT of this cycle. I want to be holding the reins on my life and my money--not my money dictating to me what I do/where I go/how I live.
I am seriously considering talking to Matt about making a pact between us that we don't buy one more THING or go on one more TRIP for this entire year until we are out of debt (excluding the house). I think, if we could commit to that--one year of sacrifice (if you can really call it that--we're SO blessed already!) . One year without additional luxuries-but just learning to enjoy and appreciate the ones we already have-that we could actually see the light at the end of the debt tunnel come next January.
Yes...that sounds like a plan! I think I'll schedule that meeting a.s.a.p.
oh great...guess that means anything extravagant on V-day is out. That's okay, I'll be HAPPY to NOT be seeing red anymore! (in the checking account, that is!) :o)