II Chronicles 7:14

If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.

Friday, October 31, 2008

Holey Sheet!!

So....I think I figured out the culprit in the whole 'holey sheet' mystery. (you remember my post a week or so ago where I had a big hole in the sheet on my side of the bed?)
Well...last night as I was settling into my "spot" in the bed to fall asleep, I felt my toenails scrape across the sheet. I realized all of a sudden that I actually sleep on my side/stomach most of the time, which means that it's my toenails that are constantly "scraping" across the sheets instead of my heels. It's kind of a weird thing for me to even have toenails that could "scrape" because I am one of those people who keep their toenails cut down to the quick. I have always cut them TOO short...but I'd rather them that way than long (GROSS!) Anyway, here lately (the last 6 months) I've been wanting to do the french manicure look on my toes...but as the pedicurists have repeatedly told me...I cannot have that look if I keep cutting my toenails SO short. So....I've been trying to let them grow out just a little. Anyway, last night at about 11:16, it all came together....the hole in the sheets, my smooth heels, my long(er) toenails....and Ah Ha! I had the mystery solved!
I've yet to buy any new sheets still (waiting on Linen's & Things who is going out of business to get their markdowns down to about 60-70% off first) but I did go and borrow a fitted sheet from my mom's yesterday as the hole in my sheet is now about the size of a 5-gallon bucket! (my legs kept getting caught in it!)
Anyway, I just knew you were all wondering about this...probably using your PedEgg's like crazy....so I wanted to put your mind at rest. You can chill with the PedEgg--just be sure to clip your toenails before they become claws! :o)
Happy October 31st!!

Not coming back...

Well guys, I am officially going to stop hoping, thinking and praying that Macie is going to ever come back. She's been missing for 3 days now and the chances of her still being alive are slim. I'm confused as to why this all happened and have been really wrestling with the whole situation mentally. Losing Sadie was bad enough but then I thought that this was the answer--a way to make our sadness over Sadie diminish and bring back the joy to our lives (that kind of joy and companionship that only doggies give). Anyway, I have to remind myself (as many of my good friends have said) that God sometimes answers our prayers in ways that we don't understand. Even though it doens't make sense ---He is still in control and HE ultimately knows--better than we do--what we need and what is best for us.
What stinks is...now that it is all said and done...I'm STILL without any little doggie to hold and love on. Yes, we still have Sam...and I love him DEARLY...but I promise you it is just downright annoying to him all the affection I try to give him. He looks at me like "woman, would you PLEASE just leave me alone???" He weighs about 50 pounds...so getting him up on my lap is a work out and then he looks miserable the whole time. He's so sweet though--he'll just tolerate me for as long as he has to until I finally relent and give him his space (and his big comfy dog bed) back.
Anyway, I'm going to really try to NOT be "looking" for another dog just yet...but I will certainly be keeping my ears open just in case!
Oh and...Happy Halloween Y'all! Remember: This is the day that the Lord has made! :o)

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Macie is gone

I am so overwhelmed with emotions right now I can hardly TYPE straight. Tonight all 4 of us were outside. The dogs were in the back yard and we were outside of the back yard. Matt had repaired the fence where Sadie had dug a hole and gotten out but there was still a tiny little gap between it and the house so I had it all blocked up with a 5 gallon bucket full of water and a big metal dumptruck in front of it to be sure Macie couldn't get out--and she couldn't. Besides, I thought...we're RIGHT here...
Well, I was wrong.
She somehow scooted the dumptruck over and slid through the gate. We immediately saw her and so I started walking towards her calling her name all sweet-like. She took one look at me and took off like a speeding bullet. I ran as FAST at my feet could take me (thank God I had on tennis shoes!!) I ran about a mile down the road until I was about to collapse. Matt finally came up behind me in the truck and we followed her until she stopped and I jumped out and tried to call her to me...but again...one look at me and she darted off again. It has been an hour and 15 minutes that we have been chasing her like this...until she ran into a heavily wooded field where we couldn't go. We went around and around the fence with a flashlight calling her name. But nothing. I called my mom and dad and they set out looking too. We circled the area we last saw her over and over and over until now its so dark we can't see anything so we just came back home. I don't know what to do. I've prayed. I've PLEADED with God to PLEASE not let this happen again. Why do I keep losing my puppies? First Sadie..now Macie? I feel like I'm being punished. How can you pray something with your whole heart and believe completely that God is going to answer your prayer.....and it not happen? I feel like I gave EVERYTHING I had when I prayed that God would PLEASE let her come to me when I called her and I believed with my whole heart that she would. But when I saw her and I was only about 15 feet from her, I called to her and she took off....and that was the last time we saw her. Why?
Right now I'm so upset I don't even know a word to describe it. I'm FURIOUS and brokenhearted all at the same time. I feel horrendous guilt that I should have NEVER let her out in the backyard knowing that there was a gap in the fence...even if I did have it blocked.
I know it will be a miracle if she makes it alive. There are cyotes everywhere out here. Plus, she's so little...she's nearly impossible to see on the road.
At this point the only thing I can hope for...is that somehow, someway she'll come back. I know it will be a miracle...but I do serve a miracle-working God.

Scrapbooking--it's not what it used to be

I've figured something out recently about myself regarding scrapbooking. While I LOVE the ornate and detailed pages of my friends and of those I see in various magazines and on websites, I just simply canNOT afford the time or the supplies to do that all the time. So...here's my new plan. From now on, I will scrapbook just "okay" pages as often as I can at home. I don't want to EVER sit down and work and not get at LEAST 4 pages done at at time, even if that means I have to rush through them and not be madly in love with them. On the rare occasion that I get to "GO" scrapbooking with my buddies, I will use those opportunities to slow down and create pages that I LOVE and then I will feel alright about spending a little moolah too, since it doesn't happen very often. It's MUCH more important to me to have them in the book, than for them to be super-dooper awesome and be YEARS behind. So, with that being said....here's what I've been doing in my "spare" (HA HA) time over the past couple of weeks:

There are actually about 8 more pages but I didn't bother posting them all on here. I don't expect you all to "ooh" and "aah" over these pages either...I KNOW they're not fabulous...but what IS fabulous is that they are DONE and now my family can look at them instead of them being tucked away in my photo box with all the pictures I've taken for the whole last year. What a waste! At this rate, I might actually get caught up!!

Monday, October 27, 2008

Meet Macie

Introducing the newest member of our family, little Macie! (formerly Emmie but the kids really wanted to re-name her Macie, which I like too. And, she responds to it just the same as Emmie)
Isn't she a cutie? We adopted her today and she's a little timid right now, not sure about us all yet and this new place but I think in a few days, we'll be inseperable. She is an 11 month old schnoodle (1/2 schnauser, 1/2 poodle). She's small (16 pounds). She's potty trained (although she did have an accident already!) :o{
She's already been spayed and I have her shot records, which are up to date. Of course, you know us, we've already bathed her, blow-dried her hair, put bows in her hair, got her a fancy-schmancy collar and put Sadie's old outfit on her! At this very moment, she is laying in my lap as I type this!
It's kind of strange---to have another dog already so soon after Sadie..but when I saw her go up for adoption, something sparked inside of me...and I just fell in love with her. I've wanted a "lap dog" for YEARS and now I've got her!
Here she is watching the boys play Super Mario.

I was trying to show you how small she is...but then I think she looks kind of big in this pic.

And my favorite of all...here is what she looks like right now...she is sleeping on top of my hand on top of the keyboard as I do this!

Monday, October 20, 2008

6 Insignificant Details

I was tagged by Jen over at http://www.jenkuck.blogspot.com/ to do this and I couldn't let her down! Although, I'll tell ya...I'm having a hard time thinking of anything ya'll don't already all know!
Anyway...here's my best shot:

1. I am a reality-tv addict. It's pretty much ALL I watch. I honestly can't think of a SINGLE show that I like that has actors and scripts! My favorites are Biggest Loser, Super Nanny, Wife Swap, American Idol, anything on HGTV (esp. Designed to Sell), What Not To Wear, Say Yes to the Dress (TLC), etc...

2. I LOVE to play board games. It is our family tradition that ANYtime we get together, we play games. Some of our favorites are Taboo, Sequence, Balderdash, Scene It, Spoons, Spades, etc....

3. I change underwear several times a day. I know that sounds weird...but my underwear HAVE to go with what I'm wearing....so....if I change clothes..I change underwear. I know no one even sees...but it doesn't matter...I know!

4. I listen to music 24/7. I am motivated by music---and what I am doing determines what I listen to. In the mornings, I ONLY listen to praise & worship, on the way to the gym I like to listen to upbeat hip-hop. If I'm cleaning house, I like something with a steady, quick beat. If I'm relaxing or cooking, I like Kenny-G or something soft and soothing. Every now and then I get a wild hair and change the station to country.

5. I love greeting cards. I can spend HOURS looking at greeting cards and spend a FOURTINE buying them. I almost always end up buying several more than I actually 'needed' because I find so many fun, cute ones. Plus who doesn't LOVE getting an unexpected card in the mail? My favorite ones to send are just out-of-the-blue for no particular reason ones!

6. I am covered in freckles from my head to my toes. There is hardly a square inch on my body that doesn't have at least 1 freckle on it. I've always wished I could have the milky, creamy skin that so many other people have...but finally, now that I'm a real bone-a-fide adult (meaning 30) I have come to appreciate my freckles. I still think it'd be cool to have the gorgeous flawless skin of my friends...but at least I'm unique. :o)

Sorry, I know those weren't the most intersting details in the world....but really, I pretty much tell ya'll EVERYTHING already! ha ha

Apron Obsession

Did you guys know that I have an apron obsession? I just realized the other day that I have probably never talked about my LOOOOVE for aprons on my blog before! I wear one every single day. Not only are they cute, but they also protect your clothes, make you look like you've been working AND they hide your belly when you don't want to suck in!! Woohoo!
I have about 12 aprons currently...but I am ALWAYS on the hunt for more! I have my every-day ones (solid black and a solid pink) that I wear most days which hang in m pantry. Then I have my cutsier ones that I wear when I have company or just want to look extra cute--and then I have a few that I pretty much never wear...but I love them and they just hang here on my hooks. I used to have a clothesline in my laundry room that I hung them on with clothespins...but that was getting too heavy and "junky" looking so I bought this cute little hook shelf thingy at Hobby Lobby the other day (@ 40% off of $13.99!!) and now my aprons have a sturdy place to hang while I'm not donning their cuteness!
So...if any of you ever come across a unique, super-cute apron CALL ME! I will probably want it. Or at the very least...think of me! :o)

Self-inflicted Pain

I remember in junior high and high school, my motto was "Beauty before comfort." I think I came up with that when I was wearing jeans so tight I had to lay down, suck in and have someone else zip them up for me. Even though I could hardly bend to sit in them, I looked good and that was ALL that mattered to me! ha ha Oh the things we'll do in the name of "beauty"!!
So...for my big "THREE-OH" birthday this year, some of my girlfriends went together and bought me a gift certificate to Steve Madden. If you aren't familiar with that store (and neither was I), it is a very pricey, super sexy shoe store. Everything they sell in there is trendy and SOOO cute...but I had never set foot in there before because I am pretty much a tennis shoe or Payless kind of girl...but since I had the gift certificate and I was needing a pair of sexy shoes to wear in my "special" pictures I was having done, I went in there and found these beauties!
Aren't they FABULOUS??? What's more, when I tried them on, they actually felt GOOD! And---I could walk! No kidding! They were on sale too! I was SO excited. So, I bought them and wore them in the pictures which turned out great. But...since then, they've just been sitting in my closet. I look at them all the time and think "oh how I love those shoes!" but I've never put them on again--until this weekend! A friend of mine had suggested wearing them with jeans to kind of "down-play" them a bit...but still be kind of edgy and sexy. So, on Sunday morning I decided to wear them with a cute new gold/black top I had gotten and a pair of slim-fitting, long, super-dark-wash jeans. It looked adorable! I felt like a 'total hottie' as Brooklyn would say! ha ha
It was all good until I'd been wearing the shoes and walking in them for about half an hour. All of a sudden I noticed my 4th toes were KILLING ME!! Sure enough I looked down and saw that the seam of the shoe was cutting my toes right in half. But what could I do? I was 30 minutes from home! I had to wear them for another 2 hours (through church and then out to eat afterwards). As I walked to the car from the resturant, a good 3 hours into wearing them, I thought "WHY in the WORLD would anyone do this to themselves?" Any ounce of "cuteness"I had was ruined by all the LIMPING I was doing! ha ha
Oh what a shame! I still LOVE these shoes. Guess I'll just have to find ways to wear them when I'll only be on my feet for 30 minutes at a time! ha ha

Bathroom-Before & After

So...like I said in my last post, I had never really "done" the kids bathroom downstairs--just always used whatever shower curtain/rugs/towels that I had laying around. I was ready to do something in there and had a $25 off coupon for PBK and I of course could NOT let that go to waste! ha ha....
Here are the before/after pictures!
This is the "before".
I liked it alright...but it was just a little too "mature" for a kids bathroom. Plus, there isn't a whole lot of lighting in that bathroom so that black shower curtain made it feel even smaller and darker in there.
And now...here is the "after". I love this little "Birdy" theme--even if it is maybe a little bit babyish. I don't care, I think it's cute and fun and it's so much brighter in there now! I wanted to order (and wish I would have) this really cute hanging nest with 2 cloth birds (one pink, one green) that went with it...but I was already spending a fortune...I hated to add another $24 for a little decoration. Anyway, hopefully I will be able to find some cute birdy art or decor of some sort for in there. So...here's the rug:

The sink area:

A close up of the handtowel and wash cloth. (didn't buy any of the bathtowels even though they are SOOOO cute--just couldn't bring myself to spend $19/towel!)Looking into the bathroom from the hall. The shower curtain is white with patch-work leaves here and there and one single little birdy at the bottom. (btw--I know...the curtain needs ironed---and hopefully I'll get to that someday! ha ha)A close up of the birdy. Isn't he cute?

And finally...the towels that I had already bought a few weeks ago when I found them for a STEAL at Macy's. They are Tommy Hilfiger--originally $32 for a set of 2. I got them for $8 per set! I got 2 pink and 2 turquoise just HOPING that they would match whatever theme I decided to do in there. Amazingly, they match perfectly--which helps me not be too upset that I don't have any of the actual matching towel with the cute little embroidered birdies on them! :o)

Saturday, October 18, 2008


Here are a few pics I've been meaning to put on here. Nothing real exciting. The first 2 are from a couple of weeks ago when we went to our hometown's hs football game. (can you believe it? WE went to a FOOTBALL game!! ha ha)
These 3 are of me and my mom from the women's retreat we went to last weekend. We had such a good time together. Lots of tears, lots of laughter, lots of fun. Just what we needed!

This weekend my brother and his family came up to visit and we are going to the Nightmare. It is supposed to "Scare the hell out of you"....literally. It's put on by a church called Guts Church. As you can tell from the name, they are not your ordinary church. Anyway, I am not particularly looking forward to it--as being scared is NOT something I am into...but I refuse to be a party pooper and everyone (including my hubby) is insisting that I go. I said okay...but I am SO not watching. I'll just pay my $8 and walk through with my eyes firmly shut--thank you very much.
The weather this weekend is unbeatable. Perfect in every way. I almost feel guilty for not spending every waking moment out there--I just don't want to waste it!
This morning Matt and I painted the kids' bathroom. I never have really "done" this bathroom...just always used whatever I had ...but I finally gave in and ordered CUTE shower curtain, rug and towels from PBK and I LOVE them! (had a $25 off coupon!!) We painted a green color called "basil" and I really like it. It's bold...but I'm starting to think I like bold.
Anyhow, as soon as I get all finished putting everything up, I'll show you the before and after pics!
Okay, well, I better get off here and go get ready for tonight! My heart starts beating fast just THINKING about what I'm about to do...augh! :o)

Friday, October 17, 2008

How'd we get HERE?

"My kids would have NEVER been allowed to behave like that!"

It was that statment by my mom yesterday that really 'slapped me in the face' so to speak. My reply to her was, "And what would you have done to have kept them from acting like that?"
To which she said, "First of all, my kids would already know better and secondly, I'd have yanked them up and wooped their butts and if they still didn't obey, we would have left."
How was I raised by such a great mom...and somehow...didn't inherit her wonderful mothering traits and techniques?
Somehow, someway over the past 7 1/2 years of having kids, I have become a "softie".
Now, don't get me wrong, I do WAY MORE than my share of yelling and spanking and growling at the kids....but that is when I'M mad. If I'm not mad, if I understand why they're upset, then I seem to 'turn the other cheek'. ---- Not good.
Yesterday after an entire (exhausting) day of running errands with the kids (and my mom) we took them to Incredible Pizza Company. It's not that they 'deserved' it per-say....but I had a coupon (ha ha) and gosh, I think any kid who puts up with riding all over town cooped up in a vehicle for hours should get a little break to run out some energy and play. (right?) (even though they had been naughtier-than-usual all day long--nothing real bad--just mouthy and irritating)
Anyway, after we ate and then played some games, we took our tickets to the "ticket muncher" thing for them to get counted. Then we took our little receipt and went over to redeem it for the junky little "prizes" that they give out. But..the problem was....there was some party there and we were going to have to wait our turn behind about 50 other kids!!! YIKES! So, I attempted to talk my kids into just saving the slip and redeeming it next time. After some coercing, I talked Brooklyn into it..but Grant. Well, a 4 year old (who is used to getting his way {cringe}) just doesn't understand that, I guess. He immediately started throwing a fit. Crying and writhing on the floor. When I finally told him to "GET UP!" He began punching me and kicking me and slapping me. And what did I do? I just looked over at my mom and Matt (who had joined us) with this defeated look on my face. I didn't even address the situation going on with Grant. I just stood there, taking the beating, ready to cry. Thankfully my usually very unassertive husband (when it comes to discipline) took Grant and scolded him for it. He did quit hitting me...but the crying went on for a good half hour. {{Sigh....}} I know he had earned a woopin--but I just kept thinking about how he must feel. First of all, he was tired. Secondly, he'd been EXTREMELY clingy to me that day, wanting me to hold him and cuddle with him all day long. Even at the stores, he wanted to be right with me, his arms snuggly wrapped around my neck, planting kisses on my cheeks every few minutes. When he normally would have wanted to get down and run with his sister, he chose, instead, to stay right by mommy. Of course my heart was torn when he started acting like this. Plus, I knew he was really disappointed that he didn't get to get the paddleball he'd been eyeying through the prize case.
I told my mom, "I feel like a bad episode of Super Nanny--but without the Nanny there to help!"
How'd we get HERE?
Where did we stray off the course?
and most importantly, how do we get back?
I mean, I realize this isn't anything new. This has been going on for quite some time now with our family....(Grant's anger fits, Brooklyn's smartaleck mouth, ungratefulness from both of them)...but it's times like this that make me just want to run away. Of course, I won't because I love them and they mean enough to me for me to do whatEVER it takes.
I even DO know somethings I should do to change things...
I guess what I'm confused about is how we got here in the first place? Like anything, I think it creeps in one little tiny bit at a time and the next thing you know, you've got a full-blown ISSUE on your hands.
Anyway, that's what's going on in my head today....if you were wondering! :o)

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

All Aboard the POO POO Train

I swear. If my 4 1/2 year old son doesn't learn to get to the toilet when he has to poop, I think I may pull my hair out. (what a weird saying that is! ha!)
Daily...sometimes 4-5 times a day, Grant (starts to) poop in his pants. Its like he doesn't realize he has to go until he is GOING. Over and over and over I change his underwear and wipe his butt.
I know this is gross and I'm sure it's the LAST thing you wanted to read about today...but it is now to the point that something HAS to be done about it. This has been going on for at LEAST 6 months, maybe a year, I'm not sure. Ever since he got potty trained really. We've tried everything we can think of including some of the "bad" things like spanking him for it and ridiculing him for it, threatening to put him back in diapers as well as not making a big deal out of it ANd making a big deal out of it. Nothing works. I can tell he is getting as exasperated with the whole thing as we are. I'm beginning to wonder...could it be possible that he doesn't recognize the "urge"? I don't think that's it because I catch him all the time standing with his legs criss-crossed and a caught-in-the-headlights serious look on his face. That's when I know it's too late.
I am seriously thinking about buying a package of pull ups again. He would be completely and utterly humiliated to wear them...but really, I am SO SICK of cleaning poopy underwear. I am starting to resent it and get seriously ticked off every time I have to deal with it. I can tell I've used up every ounce of patience I have with the situation.
And on top of that....now that Sadie is gone :o( We now know that it was NOT her who was having potty accidents in the floor all the time...it was SAM! Poor girl. All this time we thought she wasn't potty trained yet...and she was getting reprimanded for peeing in the carpet and it wasn't even her! Sam has peed in the carpet every. single. day. since she's been gone...so I know it was him all this time. What the HECK? He is 9 years old and has been potty trained for a good 8 1/2 years...so why now? I've stuck his nose in it and swatted his rear every day for the past week and yet, he still continues to do it. What's bad is he only goes in the kids bedrooms so both of their rooms REEK of urine!
Between cleaning poopy underwear every other hour and peed-on carpet, I'm really ready to SCREAM! I'd love to just throw in the towel and say "forget it" but what then? Let my kid wear around dirty underwear and have my house smelling like a gas station mens bathroom?
Anyone have any suggestions?

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Temporary Insomnia

How are there still more tears? After a whole day of wet cheeks, I don't see how I still have tears left in me. Yesterday when the whole incident happened with Sadie I was pretty 'removed' from the situation emotionally. I was dealing with it all business-like and I was prepared for this possible outcome--or so I thought. When I woke up this morning, it was a whole other story. I practically woke up with tears in my eyes. While making Matt's breakfast at 6:30 this morning I got on the rollercoster of emotions and I've been riding it all day long. Now it's nearly midnight and I've been laying in bed for almost 2 hours trying to go to sleep and I can't. I want off this ride.
I honestly think that I am grieving for my grandma as well as for Sadie--in addition to all the other sad news coming in from seemingly every corner of the world. The only news I've heard lately is sad/bad news. It's really making me furious with the devil. Just who does he think he is? Doesn't he know he's fighting a losing battle? He can't take us. Even if he takes our bodies from this earth, he can never steal our salvation. That was bought with the precious blood of Jesus and it is stronger than any arrow the devil may try to send our way! Thank God that I have that assurance. I don't know how people manage without it.
Anyway, I've been wanting to tell you guys about something---something on a much more positive note!
Tomorrow my mom and I will pack our bags and head to a ranch 90 miles away for the women's retreat with our church. This isn't something we would normally do (we don't know any of the other people going), but we both recognized the need to get away from here and spend some quality time 1.) with one another and 2.) with our Father. and 3.) getting refreshed and renewed. Though I'm already stressing about leaving the kids for 2 1/2 days--wondering who is going to bathe them and make sure they eat and wear the right clothes to school and remember their backpacks, etc....---I know that in the end, it will all be okay and I'll be back before they even have a chance to start missing me. I just hope I can find a way to clear my mind and not dwell (cry about) the events of the past month the whole time. I have become unbelievably emotional in the recent months. I think it is some form of PMS....but since I've never really had it before...I'm not sure. I just know that for a good week to 2 weeks every month, I get very weepy and insecure and irritable. It sucks. and yet somehow---it seems more real. Like I'm finally for once not putting up my "I can handle anything" facade. ??? Does that make any sense?
Anyway, I'm sorry if you're still reading this. I know I am just rambling on and on...but hey, I can't sleep, its too late to call anyone and I'm sick of watching tv.
Okay, well, I really can't think of much else to say...so I guess I'll end this post and go browse other blogs. Love you guys! Thanks for always reading about my drama and loving me through it all!

Goodbye Forever Sweetie Sadie Girl

We went to see Sadie tonight at the vet's. Her prognosis given to us by the doctor was not good. They didn't expect she'd ever make a full recovery. One leg was fractured severely while the other one likely had nerve damage stemming from either her spine or neck. Up to this point, they couldn't get her to stand at all.
When we walked in and she saw us, she stood right up and (slowly and painstakingly) walked over to us! AMAZINGLY! But it was only for a second before she collapsed onto her face. She was SO excited...wiggling her butt and wagging her tail. You could just tell she was so happy to be with us and for us to be loving on her again! The doctor even commented she hadn't seen her act like that or do anything like that since she'd been there.
Our options were to 1.) try surgery on her leg but with the good possibilty it would still never work because of very probable nerve damage. 2.) Amputate that leg--but they were still very skeptical that she'd ever walk. 3.)Put her down. Basically the bottom line came down to this: We could pay $1000 to try surgery/amputation but they couldn't give us any guarantee or even a very good chance that she'd ever be able to walk. Or, we could say goodbye right then. We asked for them to leave us with her for a bit while we talked and "examined" her ourselves. It was clear that she was in a LOT of pain. She wimpered and cried almost the entire time and would attempt to bite you if you even touched her front legs. We just simply couldn't pay $1,000+ for the surgery knowing that she may still never walk AND we would have to care for her intensively (carry her outside and hold her up for her to use the bathroom) for the next 6 weeks, as she wouldn't have use of her front legs at all. It just didn't seem fair to her...to go through all that, especially knowing we couldn't be with her all the time and take good care of her.
So, with a heavy heart, but clear concience, we decided to say our final goodbye to her as we held her head in our laps and kissed her head one last time. It was very quick and painless and peaceful. I sobbed for a while in the floor of the vet's office making a scene, I'm sure. Not that I gave a care. The tears still stream down my cheeks every few minutes when I think of all the fun and funny times we had with her. She was such a bubbly little pup, full of love and energy. She could keep Grant busy for a good hour just chasing him around the house or the yard playing with him. She drove old Sam nuts, bless her heart...but she just couldn't understand why the old fart didn't want to play with her! He'd rather sleep anyday than chase a fly around the yard like her. She was a blessing in disguise. At first we weren't sure she was the right dog for us...but it didn't take too long before we realized she was a part of our family and we had grown to really love her.
We'll miss her but as the kids like to say, "Now she's Great-Grandma's dog up in heaven!" :o)

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Our Poor Girl Sadie!

Today as I came home from the gym and taking Grant to school, I drove up to our house to see my sweet little Sadie laying on the side of the road. My heart sunk to my stomach. I pulled over next to her and could see she was bloody but alive. My mom was with me, thankfully, so I handed Sadie to her and we drove around to the backyard to see if Sam was still in the yard. Sure enough, (THANK GOD) he was...but the gate was open. Apparently the wood post that holds the gate up had gotten loose and Sadie had dug around it enough to get it open. It is a pure miracle that Sam didn't get out too. He is the first one to always DART out of the yard the minute the gate is opened.
Anyway, we rushed her to the vet and of all times...the vet was out for lunch for the next hour! AUGH! Anyway, we left her there with the receptionist who said she'd call me the minute they knew anything.
I really didn't think she was even going to make it to the vet. Mom ended up driving while I held her. Her eyes were rolling back and her was breathing was very shallow. I just kept kissing her head and telling her we love her. I mean it seems silly to people who don't understand...but it's very hard to hold your hurt, bleeding pet in your arms and think that you are probably watching them die.
Anyway, I just got the call from them that they don't know what happened to her. I mean, obviously she was hit by a car, but where her injuries are or how severe...they can't tell. We do know that she won't even try to get up. So...right now, they are just giving her pain meds and are going to keep her overnight and watch her. I just pray that it won't be anything major. We can't afford to spend a lot of money but at the same time, it would be horrible to not be able to give her what she needs. The kids will likely take this very hard, as they have grown to really love and play with her a lot, especially Grant. I will pick them up from school in half an hour and I dread telling them.

Sunday, October 05, 2008

Sunday Bliss

baggie of cheddar cheese squares on left side
baggie of cracked wheat crackers on right side
bottle of ice cold water on end table
1 old, cushy leather couch
1 frumpy, lumpy throw pillow
TV set to HGTV
laptop (to browse Gap's sale stuff and check items I'm bidding on-on E-bay)
Hubby busy outside working
Kids at next door neighbor's house
windows open
lights off

And I thought I didn't know how to relax......

Friday, October 03, 2008

What comes first?

When you do a new post...which do you type first? The post or the title? Just curious...


I have been on a cleaning rampage in my house today. It all started when I took off my jammies and put on my work out clothes and then stood in the kitchen, leaning up against the island and thought to myself, "I SOO SOO do NOT feel like working out." At which time the "bargaining-me" started presenting alternative options to the "perfectionist-me": "you could just clean house and call that your work-out. It is exercise--all that walking and bending and scrubbing."
Apparently the "bargaining-me" had a pretty good spiel...because that's what I ended up doing in lieu of doing yet another P90X work out. I'm not sure I burned enough calories to even speak of...but DANG my house looks better than it has in .....gosh...probably since we moved into it 2 1/2 years ago! HA!
Anyway, as I was putting my freshly-washed sheets back onto my bed just now, this is what I saw:

Now that is just ridiculous! Why is there a HOLE in the sheets on(only) my side RIGHT where my feet go? I use my PedEgg religiously and my heels are totally smooth at all times. That is just not right! I mean...for a hole to appear like that, you'd think I have sandpaper on my feet or something, but I SWEAR...they're smooth.
That is so embarrassing...but hey...at least now I can justify a new set of sheets (I want those ones like you got Tammy!) and even maybe more than 1 pedicure a year!!!
Gotta find the good in things, right?

Sore Loser

A couple of days after my grandma died I started noticing the corner of my bottom lip itching and tingling. Well, for anyone whose ever suffered from a cold sore, you know to pay ATTENTION to that feeling because that is your warning signal. It is of the utmost importance to dig out your tube of Abreva and begin applying like a madwoman in hopes that you might "catch it" in time.
Although I've had several nasty coldsores in my life...it's been years since my last one. I figured out that I have a latex allergy and I that I was developing a cold sore EVERY time I went to the dentist. Thankfully, that was easily fixed by having the people who work on my mouth wear non-latex gloves. I also quit blowing up balloons or inflatable rafts and ta-da! No more cold sores. But I forgot--there is another culprit. Stress. And boy have I dealt with my share of that this past month. So, it really wasn't a big shocker when I started feeling the all-too-familiar tingling on my lip.
I ran right home and got out my nearly empty tube of Abreva and applied it to my lip every time I thought of it...which was constantly. Within a couple of days, the symptoms subsided. Awesome! Now that it's been about 2 days without any symptoms or applications of Abreva, I wake up this morning to find the right half of my bottom lip swollen up like I just OD'd on Botox. It's like the biggest, puffiest cold sore I've EVER seen in my LIFE.
Not only am I hosting a baby shower tomorrow and will likely look ridiculous, but now I will be dealing with a big, oozing, crusty, bleeding sore on my lip for the next 2 weeks.
No kissing. No drink sharing.
Bagh!! This STINKS!

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Where's the FUN in DysFUNctional?

It seems like it's been a long time since I've blogged about anything very personal. I'm never sure what is "too much" to divulge about myself for the whole world to see. I am the kind of person who has no secrets and will pretty much tell anyone anything they want to know about anything--probably WAY more than people bargain for actually.
Anyway, I've been "struggling" with an issue lately in my personal life and I just don't know what the answer is. Although I could use a million words to describe it and explain it...the bottom line is: I'm overwhelmed. I have so much to do at all times that I don't even know where to begin most of the time. The minute I cross something off of my "to-do list" another 2 or 3 things get added on. I find myself having a rediculously hard time making simple decisions, constantly second guessing myself.
This "realization" came a couple of days ago when (out of the blue) Matt asked me (early in the morning before he left for work) if I was looking forward to the day. I have no idea why he asked me that...but I thought about it and said, "No, all I am looking forward to is the minute it's over and I can finally get into bed." And I realized...that's how I feel MOST days. I literally think to myself sometimes, "if I can just get through this day...if I can just make it till 10 pm...then it will all be over and I can go to bed."
I figure I am either really tired...or really unhappy. I think it's both.
I probably wouldn't have talked about this, but after reading Logzie's blog last night about her bouts with depression, I just felt like talking about it. Not that I think I am depressed. I really just think I am WAY over-committed. Well, really, even as I type that I think that is ridiculous. I don't do any more than many of the other women I know. I don't know what my problem is. I just know that I never feel "done." I never feel like I can sit down and rest or relax without a huge cloud of guilt hanging over my head. If I sit down for 5 minutes, I think of all of the things I could have gotten done in that 5 minutes. I could have made the beds, threw in a load of laundry, unloaded the dishwasher, paid some bills, vacuumed the floor...and on and on and on.
Meanwhile, I am developing a serious case of resentment towards my husband who has no problem at ALL spending the whole evening relaxing while I run around like a NUT trying to "catch up" on everything. Even if I ever did actually get "done"---then I would be overwhelmed with the list of things I WANT to do....like scrapbook, exercise, read, organize my closet, etc....
I'm snappy and irritable and emotional and you never know when I'm going to be crying, screaming or smothering you with affection. (my kids get as tired of me kissing and hugging on them as they do hearing me yell at them!)
I spend so much time just trying to organize and prioritize my thoughts...I have little sticky notes and post-its everywhere! Today I took my shopping "list" to the grocery store, where I had 4 different post-it notes with about 50 random items to buy. (What happened to the days I used to type my list out and put each item in order of occurance in the store? HA!)
I don't want to be unhappy. I have NO REASON to be unhappy. I have the best life I could ever want or dream of. Seriously. I have wonderful, beautiful, healthy kids. A husband who still makes my heart flutter, the house I've always dreamed of, the perfect job, nice vehicles, great friends, a good church, a solid relationship with the Lord, a fabulous family......I can't really think of anything negative to say about my life really---other than me.
I've been watching Joel Osteen a lot and he's been talking about attitude and not letting anyone steal your joy. But no one is stealing my joy....it's just the stress of life that is stealing my joy. How do I stop that?
{{{Big Sigh...}}}
I don't know......

Rodeo Cowboy!

This picture is so funny! The smirk on his face is hilarious! His daddy and Grandpa just took him to the Bass Pro Shop to get a new pair of Ariat "real big-boy" cowboy boots and mommy got him a new pair of Wranglers. We found this leather hat at a garage sale for a quarter and got him the belt a few months ago. When he got it all on--he thought he was hot stuff! I can't help but giggle everytime I look at that little face!! hee hee
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Rodeo Love Birds

Me and my hunny at the rodeo, enjoying the PERFECT weather and watching our little kiddos have fun playing in the dirt, riding horses and chasing calves!
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Tuff Girl

When it was time for the calf scramble in the older kids' division, Brooklyn was ready! She ran and ran and ran...and got very close several times...but no luck. She was so hot and tired and not in a "smiley" mood when I snapped this pic...but I still love it because it shows how exhausted she was! (Grandpa gave her a dollar for trying so hard!)
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Mama's don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys! (can you just hear Willie singing that? :o) Anyway, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this picture of Grant and my dad at the little rodeo in our town. Grant was SO excited to get to go out for the calf scramble and try to pull the ribbon off the tail of one of the calves. He didn't get one...but it wasn't for a lack of trying! My little guy ran his heart out. Of course, Grandpa had to give him a dollar for his effort! (that's what the kids who got a ribbon were being given as a prize)
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Family Fun at the Riverwalk

The night before the funeral, I had a house FULL of people, so we decided to all go out for dinner at the Riverwalk in our town. Grant was being a little turd and would NOT look at the camera...but other than that...this pic turned out cute. This is L-R: my nephew Christian, Grant, my SIL Pudgy, Me, my neice Rachael, my neice Chantel and of course...the lovely Brooklyn.
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One Big Happy Family

Here is our whole group. There were 11 of us in all (Larry's aunt took the pic). From L-R: Tara, Larry, Matt, Nicole, Me, Grant, Brooklyn, Jaxon, Lindsay, Cale.
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The Fam

Not the greatest picture by ANY means...but here we are....the whole family.
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The finished result.

This actually lasted for about a week and a half...and it was fun feeling like I was doing something "crazy"! ha ha
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Getting my Henna Tattoo...fun, fun!
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These killer whales are such beautiful creatures! Wish we could have touched them.
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Dinner with Shamu

At our "Dinner with Shamu" we got to get THIS close to 4 killer whales!!! The kids loved it!
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