II Chronicles 7:14

If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

I just don't have what it takes....

to keep up anymore. Tonight I am sitting at my desk completely distraught because I can't balance my checkbook. My mom taught me from the time I was 14 and got my first checking account to balance every month and I've always been able to balance to the penny. HOWEVER, since we moved in August of last year it's been a mess. When we lived with my parents for 3 months last year, I had no office or real place for anything so all my bills, receipts, mail, magazines and such got thrown into a big pile. It was then that I started 'slipping'. Then came Christmas and moving into the new house (on Christmas day!) and then New Years and Brooklyn's birthday. There was just so much happening all at once that it took me at least a month or two to get somewhat back on track. That was around March of this year. Since then, I have just slacked off more and more until now, here I am sitting at my desk at 10:18 pm on August 15 trying to figure out my account since April 1st!!! Forget balancing to the penny or even to the hundred....I just want to be somewhere in the ballpark of the correct amounts. That is pitiful, I know. I just don't know what to do or where to go from here. So far, I have come up with $716 worth of debits that haven't been recorded and I have $1250.00 worth of debits I recorded that never hit my account (which means I probably didn't actually debit those transactions but "charged" them instead) This should make me feel somewhat good since it is looking like I will get to add in money rather than subtract...BUT......the bank is still showing my balance as several hundred less than what I show...so that doesn't make sense. Aughhh...Can anyone help me? I am desperate and embarassed that I have let things go like this. I actually had to "express-pay" 2 credit card payments tonight and pay a $14.95 fee on each of them so as not to incur a late fee. They were bills I thought I had already paid...but tonight, Grant found them under a stack of books and magazines on the bar and when I saw them, I KNEW I had forgotten to actually pay them. At least (I guess) they were due today and I was able to express pay them. If it had been one day later, I would have had to pay a $39.00 late fee on each one. Still, I can think of a hundred ways I'd like to have spent $30 than for "express" payments.
I guess I am feeling a little inadequate in a lot of areas of my life right now. I am overwhelemed with things to do and a lack of time to do them. I'm not even talking about petty things either like vacuuming or phone calls..I am talking BIG stuff like getting the van repaired (its making a werid sound) or cooking healthier for my family or working with Brooklyn on her fear issues or even stuff like this...my bank statement and bills. Sometimes I wish Matt would help me out...it seems like the only responsibility he has is to go to work, eat and sleep. I do pretty much EVERYTHING else, but then I look at him. He is usually soaked in sweat from a long day at work out in the 100+ degree heat and I just can't ask him to fold laundry or do the dishes. Besides that...this is the time of year they get a lot of overtime so he has been working extra a lot too. (like right now he is at work and probably won't be home until tomorrow sometime!!) It just stinks that I work so hard too doing all the stuff around here and I don't get paid a penny for it. For some reason, it seems like his work is so much more important and more significant than what I do because he brings in (almost) all of the money. Looking at our bank statement is really an affirmation of that. There are about a hundred debits (which are all from me) and then there are several deposits (which are (mostly) all from him). I do make some money doing my transcription work from home...but it is nothing compared to what he brings in.
Anyhow, I don't know why in the world you guys would want to hear all this...I guess I am just talking. Right now, both of the kids are sleeping and he's at work...so you are my only friend! Guess I better go for now though and try to make some kind of sense of all of these papers and numbers! Goodnight!
Ps. Brooklyn starts her first day of Kindergarten tomorrow! We went to Meet-Your-Teacher today and her teacher seems very nice (and YOUNG!) It's crazy to think that her teacher could be 5-6 years younger than ME! Am I really this old???


Amos said...

Oh my word, did my life just unfold in your post. Yep, I totally understand every single part of it, and my problem is that I'm doing what you are talking about with 4 checking accounts and it is a paperwork nightmare! Ok, I am so far from the one to tell you how to do it but here are my thoughts. I saw the daily bill pay slot thing on your desk. That is a huge start. And I don't know what kind of filing system you do or don't have but starting one is good. I went to Walmart, bought 6 dollars 3 drawer pull out container things and I have them labeled for each checking account, personal bills, rental bills, etc. I open the mail each day and try, "try" to separate all of the trash and put the bills together and put them in that drawer. My other thought is to call Grace and beg them to let you get on the class. It is so awesome. My thoughts are so scattered because I am sleepy. So I better get to bed, but the next best thing to my tidbits is to talk to Logziella. She is the finance organizer queen and has tons of good ideas too. Dave Ramsey says just start somewhere and to do it daily. Something I still have a problem with but he is kicking me in the rear to take control over it, he has such good words. And know that you are not alone my dear. Love you!