Blabber mouth

Here lately, I can't seem to stop talking. It's like a nervous chatter or something. Everytime someone calls me--the call lasts forever---which I hate---and I totally think its because I don't know how to hang up. The minute we finish talking about something, I bring up another subect to talk about and then another and another. Before I know it, the person on the other end of the line is either cutting me off to say "I HAVE to go NOW" or else I hear a real preoccupied "uh-hum" every so often like they are SO NOT interested in what I am saying.
What's really bizarre about this...is I am NOT a phone person. I hate talking on the phone and I hate calling people. I haven't always been like this. I can remember a day (when I was a teenager) that I could sit on the phone for HOURS (especially with my boyfriends) and I was happy to just hear them breathing. Ha!
Anyway, I hate this about myself. Yesterday while I was having one of these phone conversations where the other person (which was my mom this time) was over there probably rolling her eyes and wishing I'd just Shut Up because I could hear it in her voice and the sighs, I thought to myself that I am just going to quit talking altogether. Unless something is absolutely necessary to say...I am not going to say it. No one needs to hear everything I've been thinking about or how I've been feeling every moment of the day.

Hey! A lightbulb just came on...
Maybe I'm so "talky" because I haven't seen my husband in almost 2 weeks now and the only people I've had to talk to for the majority of my days are 6 and 3!!??!!?? Hmmm...that would sure make me feel a little better about it anyway.

It's just that I've noticed things about myself that I'm not very fond of lately. Like the big wrinkle between my eyebrows when I frown or scrunch my nose--and now a days...even when I just have a straight face it's still there. I'm not nearly as motivated as I used to be for the things I was once passionate about. Even going to the gym, which is a HUGE thing for me...I just don't really care that much. I'd love to be more involved in the ministry but lately when I think about it, I just feel like, "oh well, they're getting along fine without me this far...they'll keep being fine without my help."
It's just weird and not really like me.
There is such a huge change in the amount of self-confidence I feel now compared to about a year ago. I don't know why. It's probably all within myself...but I remember feeling SO strong and sexy and desirable and competent for a while there...but right now, I feel exactly the opposite. I feel weak (physically and mentally), I feel SO FAR from sexy or desirable. If I could compare what I feel like I look like to something, I'd have to say Mrs. Shrek. Round and stumpy with weird coloring. ha ha As far as the competent part...I can't even make a simple decision about what underwear to put on in the mornings...how am I going to be able to make important decisions?
Okay, so I know what all you girls are thinking right now. Feel, feel, feel. Didn't God warn us about letting our feelings rule us? And yes, you're right. I KNOW who I am in Christ. It's all in there in my head....it's just not manefesting in my mind, body or actions.
Okay, well...this post is confusing me. I can't even seem to say things on here the way I want. Grr... I just want to say that I almost didn't post this because I don't want any of you to think that I am trying to get sympathy. I am not saying "oh look at poor, pitiful me" by any means. I am just so frustrated with this "me" that seems to be overtaking the real "me". I'm sure this is all linked to that last post I did about the blended emotions and all the crying. If our insurance $ wasn't up, I'd probably go talk to a doctor...but I'll have to wait until January. Hopefully by then though...this will be over.
Okay, anyway, if you're still reading this...sorry! What a waste of your time. Seriously..I don't think I said anything of worth in this whole post. Okay, enough. Love you all and hope you have a good day!