Too close to home

You know, we see headlines and hear reports all the time of horrible things happening. Children being shot in schools, killed in fires, earthquakes, tornados, hurricanes, beaten to death...etc. If a person doesn't put up some sort of wall mentally to this stuff...it can really mess you up. But every now and then, something seeps through that wall and I can't get it out of my mind. I remember a year or two back when a grandfather was taking his 5 yr. old grandson fishing and nearby, across the field some police were shooting at something (I can't remember what --but it was an animal I think) and the bullet hit the little boy right in the head and killed him instantly. That story loomed in my mind for days, maybe even weeks, imagining what that grandfather must have went through at that horrendous moment. Obviously he was a loving, caring grandpa to be taking his grandson fishing in the first place. They probably had a close bond with one another. Then to suddenly see him laying on the ground, blood pouring from his head and his life instantly gone. How does anyone deal with something like that? They don't--unless they have God in their life.
Well, as I'm sure most of you know, Steven Curtis Chapman's young daughter was killed last week as her older brother unknowingly ran over her in their own driveway. I have tried and tried to put that story out of my head...but time and time again...I find myself thinking through what each person in that scenario must be experiencing right now. It's sickening. Literally, I get sick to my stomach if I allow myself to "go there" for more than just a second. Tears spring up instantly in my eyes and I can feel the lump in my throat forming. How does a parent handle losing a child? --especially tragically.
Early this morning as I sat in my office working I was nodding off. I decided it's been a long weekend so I "allowed" myself the luxury of going back to bed for a quick 15-20 minute nap. However, I was awakened before my time was up with one of the most horrible, heart-constricting feelings I have ever experienced. I was having a dream...but it felt SO REAL. I had been standing in a parking lot with Matt, his dad, the kids and some friends. (It was the K-Mart parking lot in my home town and I can see it clear as day). We were talking and about to get in the car to leave when Brooklyn and one of her friends spotted someone across the parking lot they knew. They took off running across the parking lot and I looked up and hollered at them "Hey! You don't run across the parking lot without looking and asking first!!!" Then as soon as I got those words out, I saw Grant out of the corner of my eye take off after them. Except this time, in my peripheral vision, I could see a car coming fast from the other way. I screamed at Matt (who was closer to him than I was) "GET HIM!!!!!" but it was too late. The car had already hit him. The front bumper knocked him down and as his little body hit the ground--ba-bump..the car rolled over him. I took off running toward him but suddenly all strength left my body and I fell to the ground screaming "OH MY GOD! MY BABY!"
That's when I woke up.
Now, 3 hours later, I am still totally tore up about this. I know it was just a dream, but yet, it's a reality that SCC's family is facing right now. I have prayed and I have listened. I have done some soul searching this morning because I just don't understand how things like this happen to Christian people. I pray protection over my children and my family every morning and I know Matt does too...and it is in that...that I have 100% complete confidence---no doubt whatsoever---that nothing like that could or would EVER happen to my children. Anything to make me think that there is a "snag" in that type of thinking sends me into a tizzy.
I want to pretend that those stories and dreams like that don't affect me...but they do...and sometimes (like now) I just can't seem to shake it. Is God trying to tell me something? Show me something? Warn me of something? Am I being lazy in how carefully I watch over my children? Yesterday at the lake, Grant was jumping off the side of the boat and even though I was loving seeing him have SO much fun and just being a little boy...I found myself thinking things like: what if he hits his head on the side of the boat when he jumps? or what if he goes too far under and gets stuck underneath the boat? Or what if he swims too far out and a seadoo hits him? I know those kinds of thoughts are from the devil...but sometimes I wonder if we shouldn't allow ourselves to think of the "what if's" so we can be smart and keep anything like that from happening....??? One thing I know...a mother's heart is a delicate thing concerning her children. Where the "line" is of being cautious and careful versus over-protective and obsessive is a difficult one to find sometimes--when you're the mom.
How do you guys deal with this kind of stuff? I'd love to know...