II Chronicles 7:14

If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.

Monday, April 14, 2008

A season to be somber?

Hey there.
First of all...a special thanks to my friends Amos, Logzie and MissGotWings, for checking in on me. I guess it has been a bit since I've blogged (for me anyway).
Somber (adj.):
1: so shaded as to be dark and gloomy
2 a: of a serious mien :b: of a dismal or depressing character : melancholy c: conveying gloomy suggestions or ideas
3: of a dull or heavy cast or shade

Can you see in my eyes in this picture? I can. Why is it there though? I don't know. Sure, I can muster up a few measly reasons (like the fact that my husband didn't even hardly notice I was wearing my wedding dress the other night) ...but not a big, significant one. Anyway, this probably explains why I haven't posted much in the past several days. I am in one of those moods where I've done a lot of sitting and staring at a blank wall. Brooklyn's asked me several times, "Mom, what are you looking at?"
I can't seem to find much of a laugh or lightheardness anywhere within me. What's frustrating about this is the fact that I have NOTHING to be unhappy about. You all know what a wonderful life I have...but even if I had NOTHING and I was the poorest, most ugly, unfortunate person in the world...I would still have PLENTY to be thankful for in that my heavenly Father sent His only Son to this earth to die for me so I could live eternally in Heaven with Him. That alone should be (and is) enough to put a smile on my face for the rest of my days. Of course, I have millions of reasons to be happy and thankful and non-gloomy, non-somber. So what's up with this?
There have been a lot of changes going on lately in my close friends lives...and I ask myself if maybe we're next...?? Maybe it's time for us to make some changes too? Didn't God say He would rather us be hot or cold--anything but lukewarm? (Rev. 3: 14-16) I feel pretty lukewarm these days. Stagnant. Going nowhere fast. Especially spiritually speaking. Praise God that at least I can recognize it. I do feel like we are on the brink of something. I haven't a CLUE as to what it is...but I know that God has been speaking to both Matt and me through various different things we've read or heard lately about the importance of fulfilling your calling. Neither of us is doing that right now. (although I do firmly believe that a young woman's and mother's first and most important ministry is to take good care of her husband and children and home)...I still feel as though I have more to offer. A peice of the puzzle is missing and I'm fairly certain it's the one where Matt and I work together to do something for God. What is it though, Lord?
Hey, I wonder if God reads my blog??? ha ha ha...okay...that thought put a big smile on my face! :o)
So, that's where I've "been" lately.

For something less serious, here are a few pics from Saturday. The first one is of our neighbor who graciously came over with his big tractor and tilled up our soon-to-be garden. Now it's just time to go buy the plants and get them in the ground! Hooray! (Logzie, have you started your's yet? It's TIME!)

This second one is of a bone Grant found out in the field beside our house! That's one heck of a bone, I'd say!! Matt said it's probably from a cow! At first I was totally grossed out...but hey...the dogs love chewing on it and it was free...so whatever! ha ha

This next picture is of a book I am reading that is Amazing! It's by a wonderful Christian author, Dr. Keven Leman--you may have heard of him..?? Anyway, the title is Sheet Music and I promise you...it has nothing to do with playing an instrument---unless you consider your body an instrument! ha ha. Anyway, thanks to CS who mentioned this book on her blog and I was so intrigued by the title, I went and checked it out from the library for myself. If you are looking to put some spice in your marriage...or even if you just need a refresher course on some of the how-to's or what-to's....this is the book to read. It's straightforward and brilliantly blunt but coming from a Christian author, it's not embarrasing or disgusting. Check it out... I promise you won't be sorry...and your hubby will love it too. This is one book he'll actually read with you!

Lastly, here is the pic of me that I promised you all. I am wearing my wedding dress--10 years later. I had to pour myself into it...but hey, I got it on and didn't rip a seam so I consider that an accomplishment. I am not loving this picture at ALL...but I am NOT putting this dress on again...maybe ever...but definitely not for a while...so I figured I better post it now. I probably should have waited for a happier moment and when I was actually "made up" to put it on...then maybe I would have liked the pic better. Oh well.....


MissGotWings said...

Jen - sorry to read that you are in a rut. And while it may sound crazy, many of us w/ seemingly "perfect" lives often fall victim to being in a rut sometimes. Completely understandable. I too often feel like I was put here for a greater purpose and get so frustrated when it doesn't come to me so easily. When God doesn't answer my prayer of "God, why did you put me here?" they was I want Him to. But I'm learning to not force it, to be present, in all of the life (the joy and the pains) that God has given me. My purpose is purely my being here. For my family. For my husband. The rest will fall into place. I am praying for you and Mark that God will intercede in a way that you can know and feel the signs of his unending love and guidance through the two of you. Feel free to shoot me and e-mail and we can set some time aside to talk more. I'd love to talk w/ someone else who understands this feeling too. Many people just shake their heads and think I'm crazy for getting in a rut when I have such a wnderful life. But the truth is it happens. You can't fight your feelings. We need to accept them, as neither bad nor good, and learn to deal with them so that they do not control our happiness.

On another note - I LOVE the pic of you in the wedding dress - what a beauty! See, you fit! I knew you would! Congrats :) xoxo

Jed & Carrie Sowell said...

You are BEAUTIFUL in your dress! Being in a "blah" is okay, I've been there!!

I'm glad you got Sheet Music! It's a great book and an easy read!! Is your hubby reading it too? I read parts to my husband while driving places. Of course I had to sensor some words b/c we had little ears in the car, but makes if fun!!

kc said...

Wow! You look so cute in your dress! Mine is boxed/sealed...but even if I did try it on it would be way to big. YEA!!! Mine was a size 12, YIKES! Hard to believe huh.

Logziella said...

My heart breaks for you right now Jen! I think that we all have these weird times where we feel this way despite our wonderful lives. I think everyone who reads your blog understands that you are grateful for everything you have and that this is not complaining but only raw honesty. I appreciate you so much and your willingness to be REAL on your blog. Too many Christians walk around ACTING like everything is just great and they could never be down or depressed and the truth is that we are not exempt from that. They are emotions and God created us with them. You hang in there girl. Just last week and for about a week straight...I was feeling the exact same way. I was blaming it on the lack of sunshine and just as I was about to go to the tanning booth...the sun came out and I seriously felt MUCH better. This too will pass. You have the right mindset and you will get thru this yuck. But know you are NOT alone. I love you and am praying for you. Things will turn around soon!

Logziella said...

P.S.-You DO look GREAT in your dress!!

Logziella said...

P.S.S.-Mojonah told me about Sheet Music and I got it and LOVE it too. Great book!

jenelle said...

You are definitely not alone. The routine and mundane life can leave one feeling empty. I really deal with this A LOT. What works for me is finding something I can pour my heart and soul into - a project around the house, mentoring someone younger, bringing meals to a shut in and just listening, and pouring my heart out to God that I just feel nothing.

Keep asking God to show you what the desire of your heart is, what His desire is for your heart -- may take time, but He will show you.

You look beautiful in the dress.

smiling's my favorite said...

Sometimes I think it's okay to be quiet... that's when I remember how the Bible teaches us the importance of stirring ourselves up... it's intoxicating, but it doesn't come natural for people of certain temperments. That's why it's important to have people in life who can help us when we're down. Call me, I'd love to chat!

BTW- You look great in your wedding dress... it makes me want to get mine out and try it on too... NOT

Tammy said...

My heart goes out to you Jen. You're always so positive and full of energy so I'm sure this too shall pass. I wish I lived closer -we could get some Starbucks (the black iced tea is my crack!), sit outside and chat.

As for not feeling like you've done enough for God - you said it best - you are keeping your family and raising your children the way He wants you to. You may be called to do more but I have faith you'll know when its time. I often feel like I'm not doing 'enough' to serve the Lord but I know he'll direct me where I need to be.

Hang in there girl! And check your email - I've got something to cheer you up :)

P.S. Congrats on the wedding dress! I couldn't get one thigh in mine. HA!

Amy said...

So sorry to hear you've got the blahs. They will pass...they always do. But in the mean time try not to be too hard on yourself and know that EVERYONE goes through this. You are a great wife, a great mom, an amazing Christian woman and a wonderful friend. Please remember that everyone who reads this blog loves you and will be here for you if you need us. :)
Love you, Jen!
P.S. Want a good laugh? Check your email.

kc said...

Ok girlfriend, please tell me you watched the finale of Biggest Loser last night?!?! :)

MissGotWings said...

Yes, did you watch BL? I was SO hoping Roger was gonna take the win, but oh well. Ali looks amazing! Wonder if they'll ever do a reunion show; I want to see how all of the BLs look today and if they kept it off or not. I loved when Alison was calling Mark a cry baby. Hope you're doing well chica :)

MLM said...

Jen: ...Now I know your name, and I'm sorry I always called you "Sam" on my Couples Connect blog comments! :o)...

I just finished a book that I bought during a somber season. It's called The Worn Out Woman: When Your Life Is Full and Your Spirit's Empty. It was helpful, and another thing that's helpful (IMO) is a good long cry in a hot shower and then recounting all the times God has shown His love to you.

Those are my two cents. Plus this one: Your dress is lovely! And the fact you can still wear it after 10 years is even lovelier!

PS: I have a new blog that was designed for women in somber seasons...check it out sometime. You're always invited.