II Chronicles 7:14

If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Wednesday Weigh-In

I QUIT!

6 comments:

Beverly said...

You can't quit! I believe in you, you know you can do anything you set your mind to. You just need to get a notebook and write down everything that you put into your body and all your the exercising you do. I can't believe your not loosing anything with all the exercising you do. Maybe your body just need you to shock it. Change something up. I have to do that every once in a while. I am currently at a stand still but beings I am scheduled for surgery next week I figure this is not the best time to throw my body into shock. If you need anything holler at me!

Kate said...

Don't quit! Maybe you just need a break for a while. I know I can become consumed w/ the whole weight loss effort too and lose sight of everything else when I'm just looking for a lower number each time I weigh in.

But don't quit - you've made some great lifestyle changes that you shouldn't turn back on. Focus on how you feel, how your body looks, your energy level, your increased endurance, your food choices. You ARE making progress each day.

mlm said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
MLM said...

People might call me crazy, but "quitting" might be the best thing you can do for yourself. Hear me out, and if what I say sounds good to you, then keep it; if it doesn't sound good, then trash it!

I obviously don't know all your details or lifestory, but you seem to have been very devoted and diligent and doing all that "you" know to do...how's that working for you?

In my own life, I've done some pretty drastic things to try to lose weight, including everything that Beverly (whom I don't know) suggested you do. I got a notebook and kept track of EVERY, SINGLE, THING that went in my mouth, from sticks of gum to pieces of ice. I also kept track of every minute of exercise...and there were LOTS of minutes. And I tried "shocking" my body. I think I understand what Beverly means by that, about changing the routine if you've reached a plateau. But for me, a young woman obsessed with losing weight, "shocking" my body led to one thing after another, each more "shocking" than the last.

After Weight Watchers, Slim Fast, Phen-Fen (yes, the illegal drug that kills people), Binging, Fasting, Exercising like a madwoman, Counting fat grams, and not having a menstrual cycle for nearly a year due to all the "shock"...I finally QUIT.

I had gotten to the point in my life where I was literally CONSUMED with what I ate. I woke up each morning thinking about what I'd fix for every meal that day, what I'd eaten the day before, how much I weighed, and how much I still needed to lose. I thought of little else and I was in serious self-torment.

But then, like I said, I finally QUIT. I cried out to God and said, "God, of course I want to be thin. Not like the world says to be thin but You and I both know that I'm overweight. You and I both know that I'm fat and unhealthy. But, God, I don't care if I ever get thin. What I want more than anything is to be happy. And to happy I know I have to be YOURS."

I was a Christian, so that's not what I was talking about. (And again, I'm just sharing my story so you can take it or leave it if it doesn't register with you and what you're going through.) I just knew that I had an unhealthy relationship (to say the least) with food. And food isn't something you can live without like smoking or alchohol. People with food addictions HAVE to eat.

SO I asked God to heal me. In His gentle and loving way, He began to show me that I had old hurts inside that I'd been "feeding." He wanted to heal those hurts. I had to let Him.

He began to show me that I had other things that had "consumed" me, things that weren't necessarily "sin" but had become sin to ME because of the hold they had on me. Because of the hold I'd given to these other things, I'd opened the door for other things (like food---also not a sin) to ensnare me.

As I allowed God into my heart to heal me and as I gave up the other things God showed me I had been consumed with, God spoke a word to my heart that literally set me free. He told me to "live a fasted life."

It was something I had heard Kenneth E. Hagin talk about, so I was familiar with the phrase, but I couldn't see how that related to ME or to my food/weight problems.

So God showed me how my flesh was in control of me and my day...to the point of torment. Then God showed me that by His strength, I was to allow my spirit (the place within me where God lives) to regain control. I was to start telling my flesh "NO!"

But in a different way.

Instead of swearing off fast food or hating myself for succumbing to MacDonald's, I was to eat whatever food I wanted...but just not eat all the amount that I wanted.

For example, I still ordered the Bic Mac value meal: burger, coke, and fries. That was the meal I wanted, that was the meal I ordered. AND I enjoyed eating it. BUT instead of eating every last bite and every last fry...I ate the entire burger except for ONE bite. I ate every fry except ONE.

Sounds crazy, right? Believe me, my mind and my flesh were screaming, "YOU'RE CRAZY! WHAT'S THAT ONE SINGLE BITE GOING TO DO? IT'S ALL THOSE OTHER BITES YOU ATE THAT ARE MAKING YOU FAT!!!!"

But the fact that my flesh was screaming was a good sign. It was screaming because I had told it "no." No, you cannot have that last bite of burger. No, you cannot have that last fry.

I was living a fasted life, in that my spirit was taking control over my flesh. As I yielded (moment by moment) to the Holy Spirit, He told me what to give up and what to partake. It became so freeing because I didn't have to keep track any more. I didn't have to think all those obsessive thoughts any more. I wasn't in control any more. I had QUIT.

And instead I just obeyed. Soon, it was easy to say no to just one bite. Which meant that my flesh was happy and satisfied again. Which meant it was time to eat everything except TWO bites. Oh how my flesh screamed. But it was good for me...and I was able to relax and eat what I wanted when I wanted, and not feel deprived or guilty. What a relief!

I also threw away my scale and I didn't weigh myself very often because it was no longer about "weight" or "size." It was about being happy in the Lord and living a fasted life. Eventually, I guess my stomach shrunk from eating less because I was completely satisfied with a kids meal. And eventually I lost more than 40 pounds. I don't know for sure how many because I quit weighing myself after I went over 160.

But the point is (sorry for this long comment)...sometimes it's good for us to "quit" because it's at that moment that we rely completely on the Lord. What worked for us on the past may not work for us now. (I learned that through all my many "diets" and programs.) The best way is God's way, and when we reach our end, that's when He has the most room to work in us.

I'm praying for you. I feel like I read in your posts the same longing and desperation I have felt. So I'm encouraging you to turn to the Lord when you feel like giving up. Give Him all the obsessive and tormenting thoughts and feelings...and allow Him to tell you whatever He wants to tell you. Even if what He says has seemingly nothing to do with losing weight, your whole life will be affected and in the end you will find what your heart's been wanting.

Logziella said...

Wow MLM...that was AMAZING!!! Thank you so much for sharing that...even though you were telling MJ...I think it will help many more people!

I am going to do that "fasted life" too. What an awesome way to gain a hold on your flesh instead of your flesh having a hold on you! I LOVE it!

Thanks so much!!!!!

kc said...

Ok, so how do I comment after mlm's very thought provoking post? She has some good points there.

But Jen, I have been with you since you first started losing weight. You KNOW you can, and I don't understand why you aren't...except that maybe it is your diet. You workout a lot! But your body composition is basically made up from 10% genetics, 10% exercise, and 80% nutrition. If you aren't eating a "healthy" "natural" diet, that could be the downfall.
For example: I would never even dream of eating anything at McDonalds (or other favorite Fast Food places), other than a salad with light dressing or Balsamic Vinaigrette...simply because it is loaded with fat/calories/cholesterol that my body doesn't need. It isn't healthy for me, so I don't eat it. Every time I am tempted to eat something, I think "is it good for my body (nutritious), is it worth it?" Or even this "is this how God designed me to eat? would he want me to put this into my body? it is his temple after all, I'm sure he doesn't want it all junked up!" :)

You know your body Jen. You could just be OVER-training and need a break. So you have to decide for yourself, what you need to do. But even if you take a small break, that doesn't give you the green light to pig out and do nothing. Otherwise you will be back at square one. That isn't healthy, and I know that isn't what you want.

Ok girl, I'll be praying for you and for God to give you encouragement.
Love ya!