So today is Day 1 on my 14 day quest to "having new kids." If you haven't read the book by Kevin Lehman called "How to Have a New Kid in 5 Days" yet, then you might not know what I'm talking about. I haven't read it either, but my Sunday School class just did a 5 week study on it and now that it's over, I'm realizing more now than ever that we have GOT to get control of our house again. "This is a home, not a hotel."
What I realized when we started this little series is that it seemed overwhelming and that there were toooo many areas that we needed to work on, so we just turned our heads the other way and kept on doing what we've been doing. However, yesterdays lesson was on self-esteem and it was very crystal clear to me what poooor self-esteem our kids are developing.
So, in light of that, we have decided that we canNOT turn our heads any longer. We have to start and it must begin NOW. As with any big change, taking baby steps is the way to begin.
For me to actually implement something, I need to have it decided on, written down and posted everywhere.
So today's plan of action is this:
1. One time. I'm only going to give instructions once. If "x,y and z" don't get done after they've been told one time to do it, then there will be immediate consequence. For us, at our house, that means they will stand with their nose in the corner of the dining room for 1 minute per year of age. It's humiliating and seems a bit degrading (esp. for a 9 year old) but it causes them to be quiet and reflect on what just happened). In the past we just sent them to their rooms, but that is more like a reward than a punishment because all their toys are in there. The other option is a spanking but I think that needs to start being reserved for more serious offenses (and thereby will make a bigger impression when it's used). This "time-out" procedure will also be implemented as SOON as I sense an attitude too. From this day on, there will be respect in this house...from everyone...for everyone.
2. Jobs/pay. For the past several months we have given our kids little jobs that they are responsible for around our house. They each have 5 and on Friday, they each receive $5 for their work. ($1 of which goes into savings and $1 goes into giving=$3 to spend) This was working out WONDERFULLY for a while and everyone was happy. I was getting lots of help around the house, and the kids were finally getting an "allowance" so they could buy the new toys, books, etc. that they wanted. However, as our schedule has gotten busier (softball/baseball, school activities) the jobs have either been being completely forgotten or I have to hound the kids constantly to do them. Basically, I'm shelling out money to them every Friday for no reason and the whole thing has just become a headache. So beginning today, they will have the opportunity to do the work (without being told) and earn the money...but if I have to tell them to do it (or it doesn't get done) there will be no "payday" on Friday anymore.
So that's it for now. Those are my goals. I honestly think that if I can get that first one set in place and do it EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. then a whoooole lot of our discipline issues will be solved.
Meanwhile I am determined to KEEP MY COOL. Nothing good comes from me screaming and flailing around like a crazy woman (beating recliners) and such. All that does is freak the kids out and makes me look like an out-of-control idiot. (which I'm not entirely...haha)
I'll let ya know how it goes...
(btw: "14 days quest" because in exactly 2 weeks from today we will begin Summer Break and I will be watching another child in my house full time. We need to have this "figured out" before that.)
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4 comments:
Thanks for stopping by my blog and taking the time to comment - I needed a little reminder today :-) We've definitely hit a time of paying the price after being too lax for a while...having to repeat and repeat and REPEAT ourselves. Swift consequences have come back ;-) It's hard!
let me know how its going, that's my biggest pet peeve and what winds up getting me frustrated is that what they are told to do isn't done the FIRST time they are told. We need to get that fixed in our house too, so let me know how its going. u might be onto something with holding the spanking for something else, bc I don't want to feel like I'm spanking my kids every second of the day either (until they get in line, plus sometimes a spanking doesn't hurt enough to do much good anyway (its hard to judge how hard to spank-I don't want to really hurt them, but I do want them to learn a lesson).keep me posted
ps, I told the kids last night at dinner that u guys were doing it and that we probably should too. they said oh no we shouldn't. ha ha. well, Dan and i agreed, and this morning I used it for the first time-they were bickering and wouldn't stop so they both stood in the corner. woohoo-T did NOT like that, especially since she is older and had to stand longer! I think this might be a good thing-thanks!
Good Luck with your new plan. I think it will definitely help. Holding our kids accountable is one of the hardest things to do, especially when we're so busy. It's easier to let things just slip by rather than yell and scream. One thing I've found has helped has been to have all the clothes/equipment/water bottles laid out and ready for the kids. So much less stressful than them searching and me yelling as we're rushing to get out the door.
P.S. I'm definitely going to look into that book. We're looking to start a new study soon ... perhaps that could be the one since kid issues come up every week.
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