II Chronicles 7:14

If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.

Monday, July 14, 2008

It's too late to apologize....

Something happened with a friend of mine last week...and the situation is eating at me. Makes me think of the song by Timbaland "Apologize". Not that the meaning of the song has anything to do with this situation...but still..the chorus says "It's too late to apologize" and that's how I feel about this. Since I canNOT seem to get it out of my mind, I thought I'd tell ya'll about it and see what you think. Of course, I am leaving out the specific details to protect identity...but you'll get the point I think.
So, I made a committment a couple of weeks ago to her to do something for her this past week. At first, I had said no because I knew it was going to be a busy week--with it being my birthday and having company come into town---but I knew she really needed help with this project and so I said I would do my best to help her out. (besides, she has ALWAYS helped me out when I needed it and so it was my turn to return the favor, I felt.) The day finally came and just as I thought, I was dreading it because I really just didn't have the time. We communicated with each other through several e-mails and everytime the mood was very relaxed and she was like "just whenever you can get it done will be fine." Well, long story short, after 3 days of trying to get it completed, I ended up telling her that I was almost done with it, but not quite and didn't know if she wanted to finish it up or if she wanted me to. That's when I realized that the mood about this was NOT relaxed as I had thought. The next string of e-mails were short and cut and dry (very NOT like her) and I knew she was MAD. I apologized over and over to the point of looking like an idiot begging for forgiveness. She ignored my offers to complete the task and my plea's for forgiveness and I haven't heard from her since. Because of the relationship that we have, we HAVE to see and talk to one another eventually...but I can't STAND this tension. I know I messed up. I admit that I should have given this committment top priority and gotten it done. I feel as though I dirtied my "name" and didn't keep my word and that feels awful. But what else can I do but tell her how sorry I am and offer to make it right?
I honestly don't think she has a right to be MAD at me. She might be frustrated that she had to finish up the last few minutes of something that I was supposed to have done for her...but I can't believe it is this big of a deal to her that she would downright ignore me and shut me out. I think I've probably done all that I could do at this point...but still, I find myself thinking about this and worrying about it non-stop. I guess it's just that nature inside of me that wants everyone to like me. I can't stand to think I've hurt someones feelings or not come through for them. That goes against everything that matters to me--everything I stand for. Yet, now--after the fact, what can I do?
Anyone have any suggestions?
Should I just try to forget about it? Should I say sorry again? Should I send her a card in the mail just reiterating how sorry I am? Should I just be short and cut-n-dry with her right back?
BTW..I HAVE prayed about it and asked God to soften her heart towards me and forgive me.

9 comments:

Candy said...

Wow, thats a toughy...I think at this point, you have sincerely apologized and it's really out of your hands. Praying is good thing...But it is really in her hands at this point and something she needs to work out with herself. At this point it's and issue with her and not you. We shouldn't have to apologize a 1,001 times. One SINCERE apology is sufficient. I hope she's can see past her anger or frustration and forgive. People are always going to disapoint us, that's why there is forgivness. It's a growing process...We are un-perfect people in an un-perfect world.

Miss Got Wings said...

I have to 2nd Candy's opinion. Now that you've apologized - as many times as you have - the ball is in your friend's court. Maybe she just needs time to blow off some steam. I've done that before - I'm not ready to forgive someone the second they apologize to me.

I hope this gets resolved soon, especially if you two have to interact with each other. I'm sure she wouldn't want to lose a friend over what is seemingly a small misunderstanding. She may just need some space. I'd just give her the time and space she needs; no use chasing after her with apologies if you were sincere each time you told her before. Right?

Candy said...

If the truth be known I am just like that Miss Wings. As much as I hate to admit it I am a hesitant forgiver. That is a part of me that I would like to change though. My Husband on the other hand forgives instantly, I wish I were more like that...

Slice of life said...

Make her a card and just put in side, I am sorry. Love me.

She will see that you have made an effort and if she displays it somewhere then it will remind her, that you are someone worth having around.

Logziella said...

My 2 Cents:

First of all...you were honest with her from the very start. First you said "no" b/c of your hectic week. Then to go back and say you could, should have shown her that you were going to be sacraficing to do it! You said that you would do WHAT YOU COULD DO and you were honest and upfront with her the entire time!

I am glad that I don't know this person so I can speak candidly about this -- but I'm sorry that does NOT sound like a friend to me. That sounded like a "conditional relationship" to me...you do what I want you to do and if you don't--no matter how good your excuse is--then our conversation will stop and I'll give you the cold shoulder. WHAT?? Sounds very immature and childish if you ask me.

I agree with Candy that ONE SINCERE apology is enough. This sounds like something that you are going to have to allow her to work thru. And if she is a Christian, then God will have to deal with her heart about unforgiveness and such things. There's nothing you can do. Do NOT grovel. You gave your apology and now you just walk in love and continue to love her.

Now, I would second guess if you should continue on in a freindship with someone who acts this way or this pattern will more than likely repeat itself over and over again and...isn't life just too short for that?

Just my opinion...

jenelle said...

I'm sorry that you are struggling so much with this. I too am a people pleaser and it is hard to let it go when someone is upset with you.

You have done what you can. If you sincerely have sought forgiveness, the rest is in her hands. Give it time and allow her time to work through her emotions.

If the relationship deteriorates and makes on-going contact difficult, bluntly ask what needs to happen for a civil relationship to be possible. It's likely that eventually she will unload.

Been there, done that. The relationship was never restored, but we worked through it enough to move one. Still wish that it could have been different. There is a time and season for everything under heaven.

Amos said...

I hope all has ended out well. Like I talked with you earlier, just give it some time to cool off and go from there. This person is not the most level headed, easiest to deal with, but God will help you get through it.

Jed & Carrie Sowell said...

If this person was a true friend she would of respected the fact that you had a busy week and not "guilted" you into helping her. You've apologized once and that's all you should do. It's up to her to make the relationship right now! Hang in there!

Kuckie said...

I agree that one sincere apology is enough. You weren't able to complete what she asked of you, and you apologized. The important thing to remember is that your INTENTION was good...you didn't intend to hurt her or leave her hanging. It just wasn't possible to finish the task. She needs to step back and look at the situation and then get over it. Just don't worry your pretty little head about it anymore and let her come around. And I too, wish to be better in the "instant forgiveness" department, but I find myself being hesitant...and I hate that. I'm trying to change!!