II Chronicles 7:14

If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.

Sunday, November 09, 2008

Parents

Boy oh boy oh boy....
I was going to post this picture of my parents taken this past Wednesday, Nov. 5th...my dad's 59th birthday. (aren't they cute?) :o) I thought I would do a little post about how much I love him.
But....at the moment, I'm a little perturbed with him. We went over to their house for lunch today after church and during casual "table talk" I mentioned something smart-alecky Brooklyn had said to me today. I said something to the effect of "people just don't realize how difficult being a good parent is sometimes." For some crazy reason he saw that as an opportunity to tell me that he's been trying to tell me "we need to get a handle on her" for years and I never have listened so why should he give me any more advice now." and that "when people's kids act like that it is because the parents are too self-absorbed and don't care about anything other than what they like to do, what they look like and what they're interested in instead of the kids being their main focus." and yada, yada, yada.........I listened for a few minutes and then I got up from the table, said "okay, I'm done with this conversation" and then left.
It's just so frustrating because I know he's really not that un-loving--but sometimes he comes across as such a know-it-all who does everything better than everyone else. Some people don't "get" him because he is pretty matter-of-fact about things--but he's my daddy and I know how he is so most of the time I just take whatever he says with a grain of salt and go on. But this conversation today...is different. I've NEVER bad-mouthed him like I feel like I'm doing right now. Even when we left and Matt asked me if I was okay (he witnessed the whole thing) I just told him that "yah, I'm okay--by him saying that to me just proves how i-g-n-o-r-a-n-t he really is." As soon as the words left my mouth, I felt like a traitor. I love my dad more than words. We are very close and have always talked about everything. But today, I found myself avoiding him and when I had to call over there to ask my mom a question, I was PRAYING he wouldn't answer the phone because quite frankly, I don't want to talk to him. I knew he knew I was hurt because of what I said and how I left....so when my mom said "your daddy is concerned that you're upset with him" I wasn't surprised. Maybe it's because I'm getting older---I'm more confident in myself. I'm realizing that although they are my parents---they still don't know everything---especially about raising MY daughter who was definitely cut from a different batch of cookies than most kids. Sweet as she is....she's got enough attitude and sass in her for a whole army of teenage girls. The things she says to me sometimes at SEVEN really does scare me about how it might be when she's 13, 16, 18.
Anyway, I know this whole thing going on with my dad will pass. I'm not one to hold a grudge and by morning, I'll probably have forgotten all about it. I just wonder...how do you guys handle criticism or advice from your parents? Do you always do what they suggest? Do you value their opinions? (more than the opinions of others)?

5 comments:

Teresa said...

That's a hard one....especially for me because there is pretty much nothing that my parents could say to me that I'd even agree with or subscribe to. They are not Christians, were horrible parents and we're just not compatible. They make redicilious decisions with their finances and we're pretty much worlds apart. In fact, I've kinda lived my life pretty sucessfully by doing the opposite of what they do. LOL...sad but true.

I'd give my right arm to have a relationship with my parents such as yours. I'd absolutely LOVE it if someone that I respected, was a Christian, and had more life experience than me and my best interest at heart actually looked into my life and advised me.

I'm not saying that means they are always right. Just keep his heart in mind as you think thru what he said and know that your Dad would never say anything to purposly hurt you...he loves you. It probably was not an easy thing to say for him either knowing it would hurt and upset you. He was probably just trying to help in his own way.

There is a lot of value in having a couple select people in your life that you trust enough to tell you even the hard things.

Just pray about what he said and God will let you know if it's something you need to address with Brooklyn or not. Sometimes even the best intentioned people don't know what's best for your child. Nobody understand your child better than you...and God. He'll lead you with Brooklyn.

Miss Got Wings said...

I'm sure there was a lot of love and concern behind what your dad told you. He is your dad after all, right? I'm sure he doesn't want to hurt you. But he must feel strongly enough about it to bring it up to you, or he wouldn't risk hurting you over it.

Let it sit for a few days. And if it's still bothering you, it may be best to bring it up with him and only him so that you both can say your piece. God will guide you Jen. Just pray for His intercession.

KC said...

Ditto to Teresa and Kate...couldn't have said it better myself.

I am a "Daddy's Girl", so Daddy's opinion and advise mean A LOT to me, and I hold it in very high regard. I know he would never say anything to hurt me, but only to help me. (and I'm sure your Dad is the same toward you, so take it to heart and pray about it).
Love ya!

Amy said...

Oh, Jen I am so sorry for your troubles right now. I am sure I will have more than my fair share of problems just like this with my parents and my little ones.

(Believe it or not, little E sure does have a stubborn streak and I can tell we're gonna butt heads eventually.)

Just be the best parent you can be and don't listen to those who are giving you unsolicited advice. They don't live at your house and have to deal with the situation on a daily basis. They don't really know how it is.

I've been guilty of criticizing others myself (though I am not at all proud of that) and have regretted every single time I did it. I bet your dad was just concerned and was offering what he thought would be helpful advice.

Just remember that he loves you and wants what's best for you.
I'm sure he didn't mean to be so harsh. Hang in there!
I love you!
Amy

Simmons Girlz said...

Ditto to Teresa...Just remember he is your dad! He and your mom raised you, and I think you turned out pretty good!!