Wow, all it took was a horrendous
dream nightmare about my little boy playing with some other little boys, finding a loaded gun which they thought was a toy and shooting himself in the face to wake me up. Yes...that is what I dreamed last night. UGH! Thankfully even in my dream, I turned to God and in my despair and desperation, He heard my cry and healed my little guy and confounded the doctors. Right before I woke up this morning, I was running through my church telling people what God had done for us! What a night. From one emotional extreme to another!!
Anyway, I certainly woke up with a very different mood/attitude/mindset than I've been having lately. The first thing I wanted to do was go grab him up and just hold him in my arms and NEVER EVER let him go. My eyes well up with tears just thinking about this whole thing right now. BUT...I honestly think either God gave me that dream or He is using that dream to show me some things.
Somehow, lately, I've slipped back into the old me--the one who resembled a chicken-with-her-head-cut-off. I've suddenly acquired more responsibilities than I feel capable of handling and therefore anything that interferes with my agenda, is nothing more than a nuisance. So if you do the figuring---that means that the kids have been DRIVING ME NUTS. They are constantly needing something...whether it's for me to tie their shoe, listen to them read their homework, play a game, watch a movie, watch them perform a song together, etc. When I'm trying to do something (and I ALWAYS AM)...that kind of stuff is such a bother.
But why OH Why????
As I read back thru that stuff I just listed there that they always want me for, I think--what an HONOR for them to be wanting me and needing me! There will be a day, and sadly it's probably not that far off, when they won't want nearly as much to do with me. And without a doubt, I will MISS THIS exact time. Or what about my dream...what if, God forbid, something unthinkable ever did happen to one of them...how much would I wish with all my heart that I could come back to this day, when everything was "perfect". What seems like chaos now would look like heaven to me then.
A good friend of mine said to me recently, "If we're too busy for them now and show it by never looking up from our computer screen/book/phone, etc...then eventually they are going to stop coming to us at all."
Oh how true that is...and how it breaks my heart. How many MILLIONS of times have they been talking to me all the while I was texting on my phone or typing on the computer or reading thru FB. Sure, sometimes I'm doing something important and they really do need to wait...but the VAST majority of the time, giving them my attention is a zillion times more important than whatever it is that I'm so preoccupied with. I can't STAND when my own mother only half-listens to me...and yet here I am doing it to my kids and thinking it's not that big of a deal because what they are saying is silly kid-nonsense about what so-and-so said at school today. WHAT AM I THINKING?
Anyway, I know..........if you've been a reader of this blog for any length of time, you've read many posts like this one....but today, this is what is going on with me and I just needed to write it out/share it with you. I'm sure we can ALL always use a reminder to SLOW DOWN and put priority on the things that really matter. It's days like this that I'm tempted to throw all electronics out the window and go back to a simpler way of life. :)
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Wow, all it took was a horrendous