II Chronicles 7:14

If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.

Thursday, December 02, 2010

Here's a topic for ya...

So, my hubby and I had a fight conversation last night about what defines "flirting" versus "being nice" to someone of the opposite sex.
He is very conservative, in that, pretty much everything other than a nod hello is flirting.
Me, apparently the liberal on the otherhand, is oblivious to the fact that anyone could read more into my giggly conversation than what is intended.
It's actually quite an oxymoron, because by nature, I am QUITE intimidated by men in general. I practically avoid conversations, interaction with and even looking at men other than my dad or my husband. Of course, there are a few other exceptions, like close friends and other family members that I am comfortable with, but for the most part...men freak me out. I've always been this way and even now I struggle with my face turning beet-red when a man I am unfamiliar with talks to me. It's some kind of odd and very irritating natural reaction my body exhibits when I feel uncomfortable. It's totally embarrasing and it's probably part of the reason that I just try to steer-clear of these types of situations.
For instance, the doctor I work for---I rarely ever see him, just occasionally when I go to pick up my paycheck, he'll be there. Because he is my boss and my job is bascially at his mercy, I am very intimidated-feeling by the relationship between us. I constantly stutter over my words, my face stays flushed and I almost always leave feeling like a COMPLETE IDIOT because of something I said that didn't even make sense because my heart was pounding. I don't know what is up with that but I HATE IT. (imagine you're having a conversation with the President of the United States---and you want to make a good impression...)
Well...Matt sees that as me being flirty. He thinks that somehow, that is sending a message to the guy that I'm interested in him.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!which is just astounding to me that after 13 years together, he doesn't know me better than THAT!?!?!?!

Anyway, this is a recurring problem in our relationship, because as those of you who know me very well know, I am a talker and a joker, silly and giggly and I can be quite sarcastic at times with people who I feel really comfortable with. Well, all of those things-when done by me with another man-are considered by my hubby-to be flirtatious. There aren't too many men who ever make it that far with me...meaning that I ever become comfortable enough with to let my "real" self show...but there are some. Every 10th or 15th guy we come across-whether at church or elsewhere, I might just click with....as in--I can tell we have a similar personality and the comradare of sacrasm and jokes just flows. It means NOTHING romantic...just that we "get" each other and it's innocent fun to just joke around. Not like hiding it from our spouses...but right in front of them.
I'm trying to think of an example....Okay, here's one...a female family member of mine and her boyfriend came to one of my classes at the gym. Afterwards they came over to talk to me and he said(sarcastically) "I thought you were going to work us out." To which I replied, "HA! I don't think ya'll are tough enough to handle the kind of workouts I dish out!" Then we all laughed and that was the end of it.

I hope I am not crossing over some invisible line right now by telling you all this, but who knows. I am forever getting reprimanded for saying too much. Ugh.
But I really need to understand this. Am I actually crossing a boundary by being jovial with other men----other women's husbands?
Does it bother you when your husband talks to/laughs with/jokes with another female?

I can honestly say that I have a few female friends who are like this with MY husband and it doesn't bother me AT ALL.
First of all, I am COMPLETELY secure in my marriage. I know he wants me and I want him and that we are committed to each other for life.
Secondly, I am also very secure in my relationship with these particular females. I know them, I love them and I actually appreciate their thoughtfulness to talk to my husband and I love it that they like him enough to joke around and punch him in the arm every now and then.
Ironically enough, I actually PREFER my good friends to be this way with him. He likes it...which makes him like them better...which means he likes me to spend time with them more...which in the end...means I get more girl-time with my best friends. :) YAY!

I'm sure I'm not the only woman who deals with this issue...so maybe some of you can give me some ideas on how to resolve this issue. It's a lose-lose deal because I either
1) Be myself, end up being "too friendly" and making Matt mad
2) I keep to myself, don't talk or joke (which is SO NOT me and actually seems rude and stuck-up) and keep the peace. (except I end up resenting hubby for "forcing me" to be someone I'm really not.)

And if you think that I AM INDEED being flirty, please don't hesitate to tell me. If he's right, I want his opinion validated.


Kate said...

that's a very thin line to walk; i know what you're talking about. wish i could help, but each relationship is unique and if it's a problem between you then it is worth recognizing and discussing how you both feel about it. but to say that t&i feel _____ way about it would be leading you astray I think. it's got to be what works for you and your marriage. maybe there's a deeper issue there that is just manifesting itself when he sees you laughing and joking with other men? i don't know all the dynamics of your relationship - just kind of giving you my 'what is sounds like to me' opinion

KC said...

Kate is so wise! Love her reply!!!

I agree with her completely. I KNOW you, and know you fun/playful personality. Which is why we all love you!
Kate's 100% correct, a very fine line. If this is an issue, pray about it...then let God lead you in how to address/resolve this, according to what HE thinks is best for your marriage.
I can see both sides...but this is between you, Matt, and God.

Rene' said...

I thought I commented on this already??? did I send u an email? hmmm? anyway, to sum up my feelings on this, I don't think u are overtly flirtatious, BUT if it is something that offends your spouse u need to be aware of your actions. Try to reel it in some, and also pray about it. With prayer he may become less sensitive to it, and u may become less 'unnatural' about changing your behavior, and u will both wind up being happy with a happy medium because God worked in both your lives :)

Jen said...

My friends are so awesome! Just re-read this post and replies and wow..you guys are the BEST!

Jen said...

Revisited this post and replies again today...still blessed by the wisdom here!!!

Jen said...

Revisited this post and replies again today...still blessed by the wisdom here!!!