II Chronicles 7:14

If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.

Monday, December 28, 2009

there's gotta be more to life...

I bet most, if not all of you, have heard the Stacy Orrico song that came out a few years ago called "There's gotta be more". Here are the lyrics to refresh your memory:

I've got it all, but I feel so deprived
I go up, I come down and I'm emptier inside
Tell me what is this thing that I feel like I'm missing
And why can't I let it go

There's gotta be more to life...Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...Tripping out thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more
Than wanting more

I've got the time and I'm wasting it slowly
Here in this moment I'm half way out the door
Onto the next thing, I'm searching for something that's missing

I'm always waiting on something other than this

Yup...that's pretty much how I feel today. I'm sick of "chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me".

Today on the way home from our holiday trip, Brooklyn and I were playing one of her Nintendo DS games. You write a question to the other person on your DS and send it to them and they answer and send it to your DS.
Well, I wrote "What is one thing that makes Mommy happy?"
You wanna know what her answer was???
"Being away from me and Grant".
Yes...that was her serious answer. It made me cry.
Why......why am I like this? Why are my kids growing up thinking that the only time I'm happy is when I'm AWAY from them? Where did I miss it? What if I don't figure "it" out soon and their whole childhoods are ruined and wasted?


Rene' said...

I know exactly how u feel. I want to be a perfect mom too and it drives me nuts bc I know I'm not. Talk to her about this though. Maybe she interprets your love of working out and getting a girls day out(shopping with your mom or a friend) as the only time u are happy and doesn't realize that yes we moms say how much we love those "kid free" moments, buts its REALLY the love of our kids that makes us really happy. Maybe she has read your blog or FB where u write (like all moms do) about being happy to go shopping kids free or something, and she is interpreting that as the only time u are happy. I know she loves u and knows u love her, so maybe its just her misunderstanding of "adult comments" that we as adults understand are nice and much needed breaks, but that we also understand we totally love our kids and we love to be with them. Definately talk to her. I know this is hard, and it would break my heart too, but its got to just be a kids misinterpretation of the facts, not really reality. Keep me posted.

Tammy said...

Oh Jen. Your friend Rene is right ... she's probably just misunderstood something you've said along the way. You DEFINITELY need to talk about it and reassure her that the happiest times in your life revolve around her. Give her a gentle reminder about the mom-daughter dates you've had and how much you've both loved them. Maybe promise more to come? You're a great mom and I'm sure Brooklyn feels loved and secure. But no mom is perfect (as much as we try to be!) and you'll have these moments. I don't believe for a minute that you've missed "it." God is first in your life, then family. If those are your priorities, you're doing everything right. Hang in there, friend. Just a tiny little bump on Motherhood Road :)