II Chronicles 7:14

If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

I may be a good mother but I am a rotten receiver.

So, it's Mother's Day and as usual, nothing extraordinary is going on around here. When I say extraordinary, I don't mean I expected any great, big exciting plan, I just mean extra-ordinary...meaning just out of the ordinary. But, like any typical Sunday at our house, we got up and went to church, came home and ate lunch and now my mom, Grant and Matt are all napping, Brooklyn is playing with her Barbies and I am doing normal mom-stuff like paying bills, balancing the checkbook and cleaning up the house. Am I a horrible person to be bummed that I don't get any special treatment on the ONE day a year that celebrates the day I traded in my simple and selfish life for a complicated self-less one? Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that I am the World's Greatest Mom or that I'm never "selfish" anymore, but still, this makes me wish there was no such thing as Mother's Day. That way there would be less disappointment. I don't know....even as I write this I am thinking what a hypocrit I am. If nothing else, even if I don't get any special treatment, I could AT LEAST be putting my energy and time into giving my OWN mom some special treatment. Oh...what is the matter with me? I bet you all are tired of hearing me complain every time a holiday comes around about what I "didn't get." For the record, I love my husband more than words can say and even though he flunks when it comes to gift-giving and holidays, he lets me know all throughout the year that I am special and that he appreciates and loves me...so Hey, I guess that is better than a husband who saves it all up and only does it on special occasions, right? Or, even worse, I could be married to one of those husbands who thinks that HE HIMSELF is the gift to his wife, thus there being NO need to even acknowledge special occasions! (Sorry dad...but mom deserves SO MUCH MORE!) Ugh...which is even the more reason I should be making this day special for her!!! Okay, this post is depressing me. I started it out feeling sorry for myself and now I am thinking I am pretty rotten. One thing I know for sure...I would LOVE to quit having expectations when it comes to holidays and just be pleasently surprised if I do get something. For instance, for probably a month now I have been mentioning that Mother's Day is "just around the corner." I also bought my own mother a gift as well as Matt's mom at least 2-3 weeks ago. I have thrown hints out for the last couple of days and yet still, this morning, while we were at church (together) Matt quickly bought me a candle in our church bookstore as my gift. My mom thought this was so sweet and thoughtful of him, while I am standing there trying to control my frustration at the fact that he ALWAYS waits until the LAST minute. I can't seem to find a way to convey to him that the gift isn't the "big deal" it is the THOUGHT that is put into it (or the lack of thought, I guess I should say). Just for once, it would be nice to think that he has been planning and preparing for a special occasion. Am I wrong to be disappointed when my birthday or our anniversary comes and he has to "run to the store real quick" on the ACTUAL day to grab something for me??? Honestly, I'd rather just not have anything than to have something that was completely thoughtless and done out of "duty." I guess that is where he and I are different. I get SO much joy out of picking out just the right present for someone and seeing the look on their face when they see that I thought about their likes and wants and found something special just for them. Maybe, guys don't get satisfaction from stuff like that? Maybe they only get satisfaction from ONE THING!!?? (oops, did I just say that!?!?) Aughhh! I shouldn't be thinking "out loud". There is a good chance that he will read this someday and will probably get mad at me. I am way more "open" with my feelings and thoughts than he is. (but aren't all women?) Anyway, I know this is getting long and you are probably tired of hearing me whine, so I will end this and try to quit wallowing in self-pity. I will probably go throw a load of clothes in the washer and maybe vacuum and mop. Not the most glorious way to spend Mother's Day, but then, at least I have a wonderful, beautiful family who loves me EVERY day and not just on May 14th. I hope you all had a great day, got lots of special attention and gifts and didn't have to do any housework or cooking! Happy Mother's Day and really, I am sorry for such a negative post. I'll try to refrain next time...Love you!


Kristin said...

Ok you are getting as bad as me! You need to post something! :)

Logzie said...

I stumbled across this entry when checking out that one that the IDIOT commented on....but you are so me girl! I am going to have my husband read that post so he can see that I am not the only woman out there that feels this way. This past birthday...he actually told me the night before that I needed to watch the kids so he could run out...like I wouldn't know what he was doing...and why do I need to watch the kids so he can go get me a gift? Huh?? Why didn't you plan this earlier so atleast if you needed me to watch the kids I wouldn't know it was to go get me a gift! I ended up telling him that I would rather not have a gift if I had to 'pay a price' to get it. (not that my kids are 'a price'...but when your with them all day every day you kinda live to the extra help you get when the hubby gets home). Anyway, in his defense...he is getting better than he used to be in the begining...oh my gosh...I could tell some stories...but I will spare you the details. Hang in there and know that there are COUNTLESS other women 'suffering dissapointment' on Mother's Day and then feeling guilty for feeling dissapointed about it! What a cycle...if they would just get their act together we would not have to go thru it all...he he