It finally happened...they started on my house! I will get pictures tomorrow to prove it to you all! In the meantime, read these HILARIOUS jokes! (Please don't take offense...the language is questionable but they really are funny!)
A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself,"Two plus five, the son of a b**** is seven. Three plus six, the son of a b**** is nine..." His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?" The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom." "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked."Yes," he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?" The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition." The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, the son of a b**** is four?" After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was,two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead."How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. You did WHAT ???" the teacher exlaimed in surprise. "You know,"explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."
A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut,eating a snack cake ... The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie." She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too."
At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" "Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."
When a woman steals your husband,there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Just think, if it wasn't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
First guy says, "My wife's an angel!" Second guy remarks, "Darn you're lucky! Mine's still alive."
A Woman's Prayer
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand this man, to love and to forgive him, and for Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll just beat him to death.
Okay, so...it's Friday of the week that they were going to start building my house...and still NOTHING! AUGHHHH! I am beginning to wonder if I am on some reality TV show like Boiling Point and they are just waiting to see how long I'll last. Well, honestly, I have been ignoring the whole thing for the past week thinking that if I don't think about it...then when I finally do..there will be lots of progress made and I'll be so excited. Well, here it is Friday...and I was hoping they would have at least tilled up the dirt where the house is gonna go or something. Anyway...if we actually get in this house by Christmas, like the builder says, this might go down in the Guinness book of records for the fasted house built. I'll keep ya updated.
A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could,
trying not to be late for Bible class.
As she ran she prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!" As she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off,and started running again.
As she ran she once again began to pray, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!...But don't shove me either."
This a picture of baby porcupines! Aren't they adorable? Hopefully their quills aren't sharp yet...or that would be a really painful delivery!
Brooklyn is sleeping in one of my t-shirts tonight...and apparently wearing my cowboy hat as well! Ha ha! What a cutie!
We finally found out when they are starting on our house....tomorrow! Yeah! I can't wait to see something actually get done out there!
Today we had a cook-out in what will be our front yard eventually. It was fun. Our babysitter Kendra, who has been in California all summmer, got home this weekend and we have had a blast hanging out with her again. After we cooked out, we went to her apartment complex and went swimming. Boy is it hard to find a place to buy a raft at this time of year...I went to 3 stores and finally ended up buying a kids little float-ring and hoped it would hold me up so I could "lay out" in the water on it. (it didn't) Anyway, it was a really fun day. I am giving myself a new weight goal. I am going to try to lose 17 pounds by January 1st. There are 14 weeks left in the year...so let's see..that comes out to a little over a pound a week. That should be do-able. I'll keep you updated on my progress. If I achieve this goal, I will be 5 pounds thinner than I was on my wedding day!!! YIPPEE! Wish me luck, energy and lots of yummy, calorie-free foods!
I was trying to get a picture of Grant so you could all see his SEVEN new teeth! This is the best I could do.
Here are a couple pictures of Brooklyn at gymnastics. I think she has found her "sport".
Hi everyone! I have lots of new pictures to share with you all...but for some reason, I can't seem to get them to show up on here. I will keep trying, so please check back again soon! Luv ya! J.
Hi everyone. It is almost 10:30 pm and I am sitting here at my computer not really ready to go to bed so I thought I'd blog for a bit. Let's see...what can I say...? Well, Matt's at work right now. He got called out about 2 hours ago and figures he'll be out working all night. We had some wind and rain last night and this morning...so I guess there is lots to fix. He worked all night last night too. Anyway, I went to church tonight with my mom and Brooklyn. It's the first time I've gone on a Wednesday night in a while...and I'm really glad I went. They are doing a series called The 3:16 Project. It is teaching us how to witness to others. They are doing a lot of skits as examples..and the "actors" are mine and Matt's Sunday school teachers...so it makes it even more interesting since it's people we know. Anyway, this is a subject I can definitely use help with. I have this bad habit of assuming people are too busy to take a minute to listen to anything I have to say...but gosh, when I think about the fact that what I am telling them could save them from going to hell...I think it is probably worth taking the chance. I am SO not good with rejection either...but if Christ can die for me...the least I can do is tell people about Him and the gift of salvation.
Okay so, here's my first attempt....if you're reading this and you aren't sure where you'd go if you died today...then we need to talk! This is what I would say to you: "You can't earn salvation..it is a free gift. Nothing you can do would be enough---but Jesus already paid the price by dieing for you...all you have to do is accept God's grace." By the way, I also learned tonight the difference between grace and mercy. Mercy is not getting something you deserve (say punishment). Grace is getting what you don't deserve or haven't earned (eternal life/forgiveness). Here are some scriptures to look up: Romans 3:23, Romans 6:23 and John 3:16 which says: FOR GOD (the greatest good) SO LOVED (the greatest action) THE WORLD (the greatest need)THAT HE GAVE (the greatest example) HIS ONLY SON (the greatest sacrifice) THAT WHOEVER (the greatest invitation) BELIEVES IN HIM (the greatest response) SHOULD NOT PERISH (the greatest horror) BUT HAVE ETERNAL LIFE (the greatest gift).
Okay...well, that's your lesson for tonight. Come back next Wednesday to hear more!
Goodnight!
This is a picture of my dad...who was punched in the eye by my 4-year-old daughter! She may be little but she packs a punch! (By the way...it was an accident...they were "roughing up".)
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman,"Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him... is he still wrong?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
Is there another word for synonym?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?
Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?
If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole darn airplane made out of that stuff?
If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times, does he become disoriented?
(Thanks to Rachael for supplying these funny thoughts to me!)
After too many hours of being cooped up in the house...the kids and I had to get outside! We changed into swimsuits and filled the pool up. It was a nice change from the usual. I took a couple of pictures so you all can see what fun we had.
WOOHOO! We did it! We finally got to close the sale of our house and the construction loan so now the building can begin!...and hopefully it will quickly! We are still hoping the promise from our builder about getting into the new house by Christmas will be true. I will be posting pictures just as soon as they break ground!
You may have seen some of these before but I found them while I was moving and thought they were really cute. They're worth reading again and getting a little laugh out of!
Amnesia: The condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to make love again.
Feedback: The inevitable result when your baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.
Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you are not raising them right.
Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.
Ow: The first word spoken by children with older siblings.
Show off: A child who is more talented than yours.
Sterilize: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.
Top Bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman pajamas.
and last but not least...here are a couple cute "kid" jokes:
I had been teaching my 3 year old daughter the Lord's Prayer for several evenings at bedtime. She would repeat after me the lines from the prayer. Finally, she decided to go solo. I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word right up to the end of the prayer. "Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us some E-mail."
A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their 6 year old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" "I wouldn't know what to say" the girl replied. "Just say what you hear mommy say," the wife answered. The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"
Well, we have officially MOVED! YEAH! This weekend we stayed EXTRA busy moving everything we have ever owned into a giant storage building so we could move in with my mom and dad while our new house is being built. Only 2 more days until we close on both the sale of our existing home and the construction loan for our new home. We are really excited to be moving forward with all of this.
In other news, Grant started "school" today. It was strange taking him there without Brooklyn. He did just fine though and his new teachers said he had a really good first day. The only time he cried was when it was nap time and they were supposed to lay down on little mats on the floor and go to sleep. One of the teachers had to hold him in her arms to get him to sleep and then she said she layed him down on the mat. I am so surprised that he napped at all. I guess he's growing up and becoming less picky about always being in his crib in his room. As a matter of fact, this will be our 4th night to sleep at mom and dad's and he has done GREAT. Brooklyn is sleeping in my mom's bed with her since my dad is still down in New Orleans working--so of course she is loving that. Matt and I are trying to adjust to a queen bed instead of our enormous king-size. It's a little close for comfort for me...but maybe the extra "cuddling" will be good for us.
Labor Day
Last Sunday, we had a bonfire out at our land with some of our friends from our Sunday School class. It was a lot of fun. There were about 10 adults and 5 kids there and it was a nice little group. We roasted hotdogs and made smores. It was totally last minute..like most things we do..but it was nice to actually do something for the holiday.
That's about all for now... I will be taking lots of pictures of the progress of the house to share with you all and hopefully there will be some progress VERY soon!
Today I went shopping with my mom at Bed, Bath & Beyond. I was mainly just looking to possibly buy some new towels for our new house....but I found SO MUCH MORE! I ended up buying bath and hand towels and wash cloths for the master bathroom in a thick, plush, snow-white for 50% off regular price. I got a black tablecloth that has a sort of waffle pattern. It is really cool and EXACTLY what I was wanting (and it was on clearance for only $7.99!). I am making a centerpiece for the table myself. I saw one at Mathis Brothers that I loved but it was $495!!! Can you believe anyone would pay that much for a square box of flowers to go on their table? I went to Hobby Lobby and got all the stuff to make one almost identical for $45. Being crafty really pays off sometimes! But anyway, back to what I got today...I also got a shower curtain and matching towel to go in our guest bathroom in the new house. I absolutely LOVE it. It is black with a floral design...mostly cream, crimson and a sage/army kind of green. I took a picture but I don't know if you can really see it very well. It was my best bargain of the day at $19.99 (regularly $79.99)!!! I am going to dress it up a little by adding a red gingham "curtain?" at the top (about 10 inches in height) with some black tassel fringe on the edge. I don't know if you can picture it...I put it all up against the curtain and it looked really cute---kinda shabby chic. Another "crafty" thing I did recently that saved us a bunch of money was making my own mini-lamp shades for our dining room chandelier. It is brushed nickel with 5 little lights and at the lighting store...the little lamp shades were adorable...but outrageous! Who pays $74.99 A PIECE for minature lampshades?--especially when you need five? That is CRAZY! Anyway, again, I went to Hobby Lobby and got my own little shades and dressed them up with fringe and now they look almost as cute as the expensive ones--and at only about $8.00 each! By the way...I only buy things from Hobby Lobby when they are half-off. Everything there goes half off at one time or another. I just got lucky that all the things I have needed recently were half-off at the time. Okay, anyway...I am definitely starting to feel excited about the new house now. I just can't WAIT to be in it! I will be posting pictures as it starts going up! TTFN!
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